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Friday, September 21, 2007

"As my son has his 8 year old birthday party tomorrow -- thoughts on Alex, parenting and how I am teaching my children the Law of Attraction"

While this might seem off topic to my usual "heal pain" post I think it is important to tell my story of how my son was affected by me healing myself as well as what I am doing to ensure my children understand and apply the law of attraction.

My son Alex often says how happy he is I have gotten better. He remembers the mommy in pain that would have to sit or lie down to talk, play or interact with him in any way. He is very sensitive and as a parent it is always amazing to see how your influence on your child has contributed into making them who they are today.

Alex was my first so I was "on him" all the time. Was he cold? Was he hungry? Did he need entertainment? When you bring the baby home from the hospital there is no "Instruction Manual" and suddenly you are responsible for this helpless being 24/7. I read the parenting books "What to Expect the First Year" and MANY more -- but nothing is as sobering as holding someone you and your spouse CREATED in your arms knowing what YOU do will affect them in more ways than you could have ever imagined. By time my daughter came around (3 1/2 years after Alex) I was content with leaving her to her own devices....to entertain herself and come up with her own ways of keeping herself occupied. I was not shoving black and white flash cards in her face as I did while Alex was in his bouncy seat or high chair. She had to deal with loud noises all the time (Alex) and us being aware of her needs but not paranoid or worried over them. The result -- she is VERY independent, can occupy herself for an endless period of time and is SO sure of herself.

Then there's Alex. He LOVES for ME to play with him ALL the time when we're together. He really feels he needs a friend or a parent to be with him at all times to feel safe and secure. He needs direction and looks to me for ideas of "what's next?" Surely my over-mothering couldn't have done all that?! When he was young I was very ill. I worried all the time about him and his well being. I worried about my health and my well being. Alex grew up surrounded by worry and the result -- a child that worries.

When I started to heal myself last December I became very aware of the law of attraction and what you concentrate on expanding. How could I help my son heal the pain of his worrying state? How could I apply what I was learning to him so that he knew he could accomplish ANYTHING and worry does not accomplish ANYTHING?! I was already healthier and had showed him some of the movie "The Secret". I also had told him some of the things from it but I needed an opportunity for him to apply it and see it work. The first opportunity presented itself one cold winter morning as I waited with him inside for the school bus to pull up to our driveway. I asked him what was wrong because he had that "worried look". He told me he KNEW he would not be able to go outside and play in the snow with his friends at recess because he NEVER gets his journal writing done on time. I told him if he thought of it that way he was absolutely right. I asked him to please imagine himself outside playing with his friends and his journal work done in record time. He said "Oh mom -- that's just Secret stuff again isn't it -- I think you love the Secret more than Daddy these days". I laughed. I told Alex that he had seen how it worked for me being healthy and asked him to try it. He came off the school bus that day screaming in joy. He told me not only did he go out with his friends to recess but he was the first in class to finish the journal writing. "The Secret works mom", he said smiling ear to ear.

Since then when Alex's sister has said "I can't do it", I have heard Alex tell her, "Christina "Don't say that -- if you say that then you can't -- say you can do it and you will". She is pretty sure of herself and doesn't reach that point of frustration often but with an 8 year old brother she sometimes puts in some pretty tall orders for a 4 year old. It is nice to know that now we have Alex coaching her along with us. Since teaching Alex this part of the law of attraction I have seen his self-esteem improve and him grow up a lot. He has more friends than he ever has and gives off a much more self-confident vibe than before.

The other quality that I grew up knowing and feeling that I have transfered onto my children is that EVERYONE has worth and abilities. (Really I didn't JUST transfer the bad stuff!) : ) My husband and I had similar backgrounds in thinking when we were at school. We tried to be friends with everyone because being labeled "in a group" had its limitations and created biases. I tell my kids all the time to be nice to everyone and talk to everyone. Not to make fun of people -- all people are different and that is a GOOD thing -- it'd be pretty boring if we were all the same. I teach them to look for the goodness in everyone -- yes even the bullies. Alex told me he went up to a bully after the bully had gotten blamed for something and told him it wasn't fair and he was sorry that had happened to him because he knew it wasn't his fault that time. Guess what? That bully then considered Alex a friend and never bugged him again. Alex calls on the kids in class that never get picked instead of picking his closest friends all the time because he knows everyone deserves a turn. I have been complimented on Alex's sensitivity towards others every year Alex has been in school by his teachers and other kid's parents. He is a sweet caring boy and I think this combined with him knowing he can accomplish anything he sets out to do -- will make him unstoppable. I know Alex's party will be the best yet this year because he has such self confidence and has told me and himself over and over again that it WILL be the best party yet! 20 -- 8 year olds running around my house and backyard -- how could that be anything less than wonderful?! ; )

It's important to talk to your children. As simple as this sounds there are a lot of parents who don't. They go through the motions of helping with school work or getting them ready for bed, school, etc. but don't really get to know their children as people. Some use TV, computers and any other form of entertainment they can find so they can get some time to themselves instead of talking with their children. Children look to their parents as their example of how to be. I had to forgive myself for not being the parent I would have liked to have been the first few years I had kids. I know the experience helped me to grow and made me a more dedicated parent for having been through it. My kids are (almost) 8 and 4 1/2 -- I am so grateful I healed myself when I did. I don't know if Christina will remember me ill since she was so young. Alex remembers having a sick mommy and more importantly remembers witnessing me making the decision to change my life and following through with the actions to make it happen. Be the example of who you want to be for your kids - they are watching and taking everything in. If you raise them with self confidence and tolerance they will truly be able to be whoever and whatever they want to be and help a lot of people along their way.
Happy Birthday to Alex -- my considerate, smart, confident and sensitive son!

2 comments:

Stacie said...

Jenny - what a great post! It brought tears to my eyes. Raising kids can make saps out of us all! Anyway, that's good stuff. And Alex really is a neat kid.

Jenny Mannion said...

Thanks Stacie. Yes, he is a neat kid. As is yours! It is wonderful to see them developing into independent personalities and growing up. I know we are truly blessed and our boys will do great things! Miss you, Jenny

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