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Friday, October 5, 2007

Heal Emotional Pains in Relationships with Graititude

I have been married for 10 years now and know how important it is to take the time to feel gratitude for my spouse as well as all of the other close relationships in my life. It is easy to get caught up in what's wrong but so important to concentrate on what's right and what we are grateful for in our relationships.

Life moves SO fast. It seems I was always saying "it'll get easier" but finally realized it is up to me to make it easier and that is done by how I perceive what is going on around me. With 2 young kids it is very easy for my husband and I to pass each other in the morning and at night saying "Did you do this?", "Did you write this on your calendar", "The kids need this....", without REALLY stopping to connect. When life gets that rapid is when misunderstandings can start to happen. We get caught up in our own worlds and are very aware of what we are personally doing to help our household but lose sight of all the other person is doing as well. Luckily we have tricks to deal with all of this which is why after 10 years of marriage we still can smile and hold hands on a walk. We get very excited for any time we have together and make sure we don't go too long without a long talk to catch up. I highly recommend "date-night" once a week to once a month to ensure alone time to communicate for partners or spouses.

It is important when I get in one of my "I do everything around here" moods to take 5 minutes and think. I have written lists down but even saying a list in my head seems to do the trick. What DO I love about my husband? What DID my kids do recently that made me so happy? Changing the focus and concentrating on the good not only calms me down but makes me more in love with my family and ready to give back to them some more. My son has been known to tell me "thank you mommy, I appreciate all that you do". My husband without asking baked 40 cupcakes for my son to take to school since he saw I was exhausted and to take a "to do" off of my list. The hugs my daughter gives me when I pick her up from nursery school says how much she loves me and missed being away from me. Both my kids will help around the house and my daughter is always asking for "a job". Both my children are so grateful every night when my husband or I read to them. My husband has been known to tell me to get out of the house for a walk when he sees me at the computer for too long because he knows how good I will feel afterward -- even if he has a ton of work to do and now has to look after the kids instead.

I am so grateful for my family and close relationships. In any close relationship you are sure to run into bumps, mood clashes and misunderstandings. Try not to get caught up in the little stuff. If it's big stuff make sure you communicate it clearly -- no one can read minds. Most importantly the good stuff is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL if you stop to think about it and give it it's proper recognition. A gratitude list for the people you are close to is a great way to change your mood. A smile, a hug or a thank you go a long way and will make your partner, kids, or whoever else you are close to grateful and they will want to return the positive emotions you evoked in them.

Have a great weekend and make sure to stop and give gratitude for all that is well and special about your family and all the relationships in your life.

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