Recognizing the Power of Our Words

Words can cause so much pain and distress to ourselves and others. For a change, I will not be talking about "Self Talk" which is one of my favorite topics. Today I would love if you would watch this inspiring video of an exercise high school students went through run by the Challenge Day Team. The purpose was to teach them the power of their own words to each other. To show them how they had all suffered through some kind of verbal abuse and to also show them how similar they all really were. Children (and some adults) need to be taught that everyone has good qualities and that NO ONE deserves to be ridiculed for ANY reason. What a beautiful exercise this is and I would hope all schools would adopt something similar. While I may say "children" a lot in this post I certainly have met my share of adults that could benefit from this as well. I want to talk about the importance of our words to others and the affects they have, my experiences with bullying and prevention to lessen the effect of bullying.


My Experiences & The Effects of Bullying and Harsh Talk

Yes, I was teased as a child. No, not as much as many others but I think it is pretty miraculous if you make it through childhood without some teasing. My maiden name was Campbell and I can't recall the number of soup references I endured.... I was fortunate to have parents that taught me by example and never talked down to me or called me names. I was also blessed with learning early on (from my parents) NOT to judge people by how they look (they had friends of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, sexual orientations etc. that were all wonderful people). I was shunned by some "popular" kids in elementary school because I actually did talk to everyone (Yes, ESPECIALLY those everyone made fun of repeatedly). I have always believed there is good in everyone and that everyone deserves respect. Whether it is someone you look up to or someone you think is not on your level somehow - you might be surprised with how much we all have in common. One of my favorite speakers; Wayne Dyer, says he looks at every new person he meets with the message in his mind "What am I meant to learn from this person?" We can indeed learn from every single person we encounter and I think that is a priceless lesson to pass on.

I have heard recently about internet bullying and have a friend whose daughter actually has switched to a tutor and dropped out of school because of that escalating into physical violence. Bullying and teasing has not gotten any better over the years and it is important children learn about bullying so they can be an example to others. Bullying brings down self confidence and brings up self doubt. EVERYONE has positive traits that should be nurtured, rewarded and shared with others. Now with new means to bully through social networking sites, IMing and texting among others this message is more important than ever.

Bullying is not limited in any means to childhood and knowing the importance of treating people kindly is one that stays with you once learned. I took the time during researching this post to think back to times I was teased and bullied and also the times I was not nice to people. I definitely had my moments where I might have "had a bad day" and took it out on an already over-worked and over frustrated customer service person -- whose job it was to help me. I admit that while I am proud I went to The Bronx High School of Science, being around very smart kids all the time gave me a bit of intolerance to those who I deemed "not as smart." In situations with customer service people (and others) I am sure I have appeared arrogant and made people feel I was "talking down" to them. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves to be treated as you want to be treated and that is the golden rule repeated frequently in my house. I am sure I could have learned a lot from them. People that sit and listen to complaints all day have to be made of something special to let it roll off of their back and show up for work the next day.

For a while I worked in IT for a long standing and respected investment company in NYC. The pressure there was horrific. Employees would work on Power Point Presentations to bring in millions of dollars for hours on end and would not save their files. When a computer crashed they would scream, curse and threaten me if I could not recover the file. It played on my self esteem big time. I would hide in the computer room with my nose buried in building computers & fixing hardware and pray the phone wouldn't ring with someone yelling over the next lost file. Of course it always did because I was so obsessed about it. As the wise Carl Jung said "What you Resist Persists" and that it definitely did. I was unfortunately not in the right frame of mind to handle it appropriately or to realize "it was not me" they were angry at. Maybe if I had been open to learning from the customer service people I was so quick to think myself superior to I would have learned some valuable lessons and been able to cope better with my work situation.

Being teased and bullied can have horrible effects on people including embarrassment, altering life activities to avoid humiliation (even if it is an activity you enjoy) and even depression, violence or suicide. The lesson that they teach in this video is so important because it makes the children and teachers realize that everyone endures bullying in some form and it is WRONG in any form.

Prevention From Within and Healing From Bullying

What about "sticks and stones"?

Yeah yeah yeah -- we have all heard it and I know my parents repeated it to me as I have told my kids: "sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me". Truth is, unless the person is 100% self confident and is taught how to deal with insults being thrown at them -- they WILL let the words affect them even if not on the surface they will subconsciously. So prevention is a few steps:

1) Lead by Example
2) Teach children about self confidence and how to deal with disappointment and teasing
3) Teach children about no bullying or teasing and respect of ALL others.

If you are not around children often or want to help in another way you can also get involved with the Challenge Day Team who run events (ex. the above video) in communities to spread this important message.

I have mentioned my 2 favorite children's books about Positive Thinking by Wayne Dyer, "Incredible You" and "Unstoppable Me". My children can recite these books by heart and KNOW these lessons which include dealing with difficult situations, ignoring bullies and gaining self confidence. I have watched my son transform from reading these books and by me sharing the lessons I have learned in the last 18 months.

I just finished a book, "Dandelion" which is appropriate for children and adults that I think many would enjoy. It is about figuring out one's path in life and what listening to other's harsh words can do. Dandelion was written by Sheelagh Mawe, who is the mother of Mike Dooley from the movie "The Secret" and also has the wonderfully daily messages and publishing company TUT. Dandelion is a horse, and unlike her mom she does not want to be owned, is thought of as "ugly" and struggles to find her way. It has been given rave reviews and is a beautiful little book with a strong message. Here's one of my favorite quotes;
"Make your own contribution! For that is your obligation and that is how you help others, by example. There's no happiness or satisfaction to be found in helping another before you've learned to help yourself."

We are born knowing "no limits" and feeling we can do anything. As we begin to experience disappointment; don't make teams, don't "have" what others have, are called names, etc.... we need to KNOW how to deal with these issues. If we do not know how to process these issues we store them inside and they do damage (as Tolle in "A New Earth" explains they form the "pain body"). When people are hurting they may lash out at themselves with negative self talk or lash out at others with bullying and teasing. Neither is a good response and either can be prevented.

When children do not learn these lessons they turn into adults that continue to bully. There were some teachers in the above video who also learned a valuable lesson that day. By going to the site Challenge Day you can get involved to try to get an event to your local school or participate in many other ways. However you decide to spread this message it begins within yourself. Try and go through your past and remember the bullying events whether you were on the receiving or the giving end and remember how it felt. Forgive yourself and others for the past and live from now. Be the example you want to see and share this message -- it is an important one.

The Power of Inspiration and Knowing No Limits

Inspirational stories stir something within us and are wonderful to pass on -- especially to children. I Stumbled Upon the story of Ben Underwood a few days ago on Oddee's Post of "Real-Life Super Heroes". I have been telling everyone I come across since then (including my son) about the amazing boy with no eyes who can see. It is an inspirational story and truly goes to show when you have someone telling you that you can achieve anything and BELIEVE it -- you can! These videos are amazing -- the first is longer and more thorough and the second is a three minute version with some different content.

Ben Underwood's mother is a perfect example of how to encourage your children and I am sure a big part of the reason Ben developed his incredible gift. She told him he could see. She told him he was normal. She did not let him see her upset or ever feel sorry for him. One year after his eyes were removed Ben could see (some might say better than the rest of us with eyes).

I healed myself of some very bad illnesses so I KNOW how strong the mind is. Nevertheless this story amazed me and proved further what I already knew. "Your thoughts become things" and "You need to believe to achieve" -- Ben was told repeatedly he could see, believed it and MADE seeing possible. This showed me again how important it is to share these messages with your children.

When I showed the video to my 8 year old son I prefaced it with, "this shows you can do anything you set your mind to". He is currently studying sound at school and sat utterly shocked as he watched Ben "see" with his ears, much the way dolphins do with echolocation. I could tell it helped him that day as he was about to set out on ice skates for the first time. He is usually cautious and instead was looking forward to it tremendously and he KNEW he would be able to do it. He did in fact discover a new love and I have reaffirmed the power of inspiration.

There are a few books I use to teach my children about the Law of Attraction and to know no limits that are VERY valuable. "Incredible You" and "Unstoppable Me" by Wayne Dyer and "How to Talk to Your Kids about the Law of Attraction E-book" by Robin Hoch with Rich German. "Incredible You" is my children's favorite bedtime story and the first time I read it my son said to me, "You know mommy -- this guy thinks a lot like you -- you should call him". WHAT a compliment -- and I am so grateful my children now see me AS thinking like the great Dr. Dyer because for the first 6 years of my son's life I definitely did not.

Share stories of inspiration with your children and tell them there are no limits to what they can achieve. Can you imagine how great a world it would be if all kids grew up KNOWING this?!

"As my son has his 8 year old birthday party tomorrow -- thoughts on Alex, parenting and how I am teaching my children the Law of Attraction"

While this might seem off topic to my usual "heal pain" post I think it is important to tell my story of how my son was affected by me healing myself as well as what I am doing to ensure my children understand and apply the law of attraction.

My son Alex often says how happy he is I have gotten better. He remembers the mommy in pain that would have to sit or lie down to talk, play or interact with him in any way. He is very sensitive and as a parent it is always amazing to see how your influence on your child has contributed into making them who they are today.

Alex was my first so I was "on him" all the time. Was he cold? Was he hungry? Did he need entertainment? When you bring the baby home from the hospital there is no "Instruction Manual" and suddenly you are responsible for this helpless being 24/7. I read the parenting books "What to Expect the First Year" and MANY more -- but nothing is as sobering as holding someone you and your spouse CREATED in your arms knowing what YOU do will affect them in more ways than you could have ever imagined. By time my daughter came around (3 1/2 years after Alex) I was content with leaving her to her own devices....to entertain herself and come up with her own ways of keeping herself occupied. I was not shoving black and white flash cards in her face as I did while Alex was in his bouncy seat or high chair. She had to deal with loud noises all the time (Alex) and us being aware of her needs but not paranoid or worried over them. The result -- she is VERY independent, can occupy herself for an endless period of time and is SO sure of herself.

Then there's Alex. He LOVES for ME to play with him ALL the time when we're together. He really feels he needs a friend or a parent to be with him at all times to feel safe and secure. He needs direction and looks to me for ideas of "what's next?" Surely my over-mothering couldn't have done all that?! When he was young I was very ill. I worried all the time about him and his well being. I worried about my health and my well being. Alex grew up surrounded by worry and the result -- a child that worries.

When I started to heal myself last December I became very aware of the law of attraction and what you concentrate on expanding. How could I help my son heal the pain of his worrying state? How could I apply what I was learning to him so that he knew he could accomplish ANYTHING and worry does not accomplish ANYTHING?! I was already healthier and had showed him some of the movie "The Secret". I also had told him some of the things from it but I needed an opportunity for him to apply it and see it work. The first opportunity presented itself one cold winter morning as I waited with him inside for the school bus to pull up to our driveway. I asked him what was wrong because he had that "worried look". He told me he KNEW he would not be able to go outside and play in the snow with his friends at recess because he NEVER gets his journal writing done on time. I told him if he thought of it that way he was absolutely right. I asked him to please imagine himself outside playing with his friends and his journal work done in record time. He said "Oh mom -- that's just Secret stuff again isn't it -- I think you love the Secret more than Daddy these days". I laughed. I told Alex that he had seen how it worked for me being healthy and asked him to try it. He came off the school bus that day screaming in joy. He told me not only did he go out with his friends to recess but he was the first in class to finish the journal writing. "The Secret works mom", he said smiling ear to ear.

Since then when Alex's sister has said "I can't do it", I have heard Alex tell her, "Christina "Don't say that -- if you say that then you can't -- say you can do it and you will". She is pretty sure of herself and doesn't reach that point of frustration often but with an 8 year old brother she sometimes puts in some pretty tall orders for a 4 year old. It is nice to know that now we have Alex coaching her along with us. Since teaching Alex this part of the law of attraction I have seen his self-esteem improve and him grow up a lot. He has more friends than he ever has and gives off a much more self-confident vibe than before.

The other quality that I grew up knowing and feeling that I have transfered onto my children is that EVERYONE has worth and abilities. (Really I didn't JUST transfer the bad stuff!) : ) My husband and I had similar backgrounds in thinking when we were at school. We tried to be friends with everyone because being labeled "in a group" had its limitations and created biases. I tell my kids all the time to be nice to everyone and talk to everyone. Not to make fun of people -- all people are different and that is a GOOD thing -- it'd be pretty boring if we were all the same. I teach them to look for the goodness in everyone -- yes even the bullies. Alex told me he went up to a bully after the bully had gotten blamed for something and told him it wasn't fair and he was sorry that had happened to him because he knew it wasn't his fault that time. Guess what? That bully then considered Alex a friend and never bugged him again. Alex calls on the kids in class that never get picked instead of picking his closest friends all the time because he knows everyone deserves a turn. I have been complimented on Alex's sensitivity towards others every year Alex has been in school by his teachers and other kid's parents. He is a sweet caring boy and I think this combined with him knowing he can accomplish anything he sets out to do -- will make him unstoppable. I know Alex's party will be the best yet this year because he has such self confidence and has told me and himself over and over again that it WILL be the best party yet! 20 -- 8 year olds running around my house and backyard -- how could that be anything less than wonderful?! ; )

It's important to talk to your children. As simple as this sounds there are a lot of parents who don't. They go through the motions of helping with school work or getting them ready for bed, school, etc. but don't really get to know their children as people. Some use TV, computers and any other form of entertainment they can find so they can get some time to themselves instead of talking with their children. Children look to their parents as their example of how to be. I had to forgive myself for not being the parent I would have liked to have been the first few years I had kids. I know the experience helped me to grow and made me a more dedicated parent for having been through it. My kids are (almost) 8 and 4 1/2 -- I am so grateful I healed myself when I did. I don't know if Christina will remember me ill since she was so young. Alex remembers having a sick mommy and more importantly remembers witnessing me making the decision to change my life and following through with the actions to make it happen. Be the example of who you want to be for your kids - they are watching and taking everything in. If you raise them with self confidence and tolerance they will truly be able to be whoever and whatever they want to be and help a lot of people along their way.
Happy Birthday to Alex -- my considerate, smart, confident and sensitive son!