New Year's Resolutions -- Making them Stick

It's that time of year again. Right after we have finished eating, drinking and maybe being a little TOO merry over the holidays it feels time to evaluate the year. What do we want to change for next year? How can we not only set the intention of a resolution but MAKE IT STICK?

This is very special to me this year because it marks one year of declaring that I would heal myself. Now, a year later I am 100% pain and pain pill free and am tremendously proud of myself. I had my setbacks, I had my "hard times" sticking with my goals but I never backed down and am living the rewards every day. Now I will set my goals for 2008 and the main one is that 2008 will be to finances as 2007 was for my health.

I am reading and educating myself on how to best maximize the use of time and in the next few days will set specific goals and mini goals for achieving success. Yes, I also want to drop that holiday weight, exercise more, spend more quality time with my kids, husband, friends AND myself but all of these involve me working on my time management skills so that is where I am starting. I just received Tim Ferris's book "The Four Hour Workweek" for Christmas which came highly recommended to me from my friend Greg Butler at Holistic Personal Development. Thanks Ray (my husband) for the book -- as you know I can't put it down! : ) I am finding it to be wonderfully informative and expect great results after putting into practice all the ideas and useful challenges Tim Ferris puts out there.

OK -- so you now know what MY goals are but what are yours and how will you make them stick past January 10th? Here are some steps that ensure success:

1) Set Goals and MINI goals

I wrote about this before and think it is very important. If you set a HUGE goal like "I want to be in shape" but do not set mini goals on how to do that it makes it more challenging to stick with. For example I want to work on time management so I can figure out how to balance home, work, kids, friends, writing, exercise and "me" time. My first mini goal was to read the Tim Ferris book to get me in the right mindset. My second step will be to sit down and write mini goals for all these areas of my life. My third goal will be to apply the knowledge from the book to the areas of my life and to work out some sort of time window for each. Make them OBTAINABLE, LOGICAL steps to get to your final big goal and you will feel a confidence boost EVERY completed step of the way.

2) Don't Jump Ship if you get off Course!

Wow - this is a biggie. I am sure we all have either heard someone say or said ourselves a variation of the following: "Well I was doing well dieting but then I ate a whole pack of cookies so I am not on a diet anymore" or "I quit smoking but got stressed out and needed a few so now I am a smoker again". ALMOST EVERYONE will have set-backs when changing a habit. Expect them. If you are changing a habit you need to be patient with yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself more chances. When I was healing myself I had days when it seemed I got nothing but bad news and my negative self-talk would start up again. Soon after the aches would follow. Luckily part of educating myself was learning about mindfulness and I would tell myself "Ok Jen -- I know this seems bad -- but you have until tonight to feel badly then you will say your gratitude list and wake up better". It never occurred to me to return to my old ways because I was determined to see results and I knew and believed in what I wanted to achieve. Apologize to yourself, forgive yourself and try again.

3) Believe in Yourself -- Visualize the Outcome and FEEL the Gratitude for it
After seeing the movie "The Secret", reading Deepak Chopra and about the mind/body connection I KNEW I would heal myself. I imagined myself healthy, not going to doctors all the time, chasing after the kids with energy to spare, starting a career and seeing friends and family more often. I would close my eyes and visualize HOW WONDERFUL it would feel to be healthy and be able to accomplish goals. It only took a minute a day but the joy I got from that picture would last me all day. See yourself skinny and in that bathing suit, see yourself accepting an award, see yourself making money and the things you will do with it when you have it. Feel how that would make you feel. If you are getting "off course" it's time to visualize again and KNOW that the end result is worth any sacrifice you feel you are making.

4) Feel Gratitude for the Strides you are Making

Mini goals are great because you get to pat yourself on the back for each step taken. You also need to show yourself gratitude for ANY steps you are taking in the right direction. An example is you have said "no sweets" and you go out to a dinner party. Instead of having your usual 3 cookies you only have 1. Will you beat yourself up for that 1 you had or celebrate that you didn't grab any more? It is important to be GRATEFUL for the self control you did show. This offers you encouragement to keep it up, shows you have strength, builds your self confidence and shows that you are in control.

5) Educate Yourself on the Best Way to Achieve Your Goals
Have you set the same goal of working out more or losing weight every year and gone about it the same way only to fail? Have you set up a rigorous weight training schedule that you can't keep up with? Have you tried quitting smoking cold turkey and not been able to make it stick? Maybe you need a different approach.

There is SO much information on the internet about ANY goal you want to achieve. Do the research, find a DIFFERENT way for you to achieve your goal(s) this year. While educating yourself ask if what you are reading resonates within you? Can you see yourself sticking with yoga better than weight training? If you educate yourself you might even come up with "back-up" methods to achieve your goals. For example -- if you've always wanted to try yoga and aerobics set your intention to exercise using EITHER method that way if you don't like one you can try the other. Where I live there is a Free Exercise on Demand channel where you can try different workouts. The more options you have to achieve your goal(s) the less likely you will abandon it.

6) Pair up with a Buddy
Do you have any friends with similar goals? Any way you can help each other? Most of the times that I go for a walk and all the times I cross country ski it is with friends. Not only do I LOVE the time with my friends but it also is harder NOT to workout if you have a buddy that is counting on you as well. Similarly I recently became part of a Mastermind Group. It helps so much to set intentions, share ideas and have a support system. Every 2 weeks we meet through Skype and set an intention of what we hope to accomplish over the next 2 weeks. To set that intention helps me to keep my priorities and STAY on track. A GREAT place to meet people online, find a buddy or Mastermind Group and set some goals is Personal Development Partners -- Founded by Aaron Potts.

Whether you are trying to heal pain, gain success, achieve financial wealth, quit smoking, get in better shape, bond with friends and family, gain better time management skills or whatever other resolutions you are hoping to achieve -- I believe these steps will help you STAY on track. I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy and successful 2008! Remember only you control your own mind, thoughts and actions and if you BELIEVE you will ACHIEVE. Thank you Stacie for suggesting I write on New Year's Resolutions... it has been therapeutic and fun to reflect on the past year and set my intentions for 2008!

Think Differently Challenge -- Ask for a Little Help

I've mentioned my "issue with being a perfectionist" and trying to let it go. Truly this is one of those BIG Goals I talked about in my previous post so I will be breaking it down into mini-goals. The first mini-goal is to ask for a little help.

I was tagged by Greg Butler of Holistic Personal Development to take part in this Think Differently Challenge. Peter of IwillChangeYourLife.com. started this challenge and I am using it to address my issue of not being able to ask for help. I am going to try my hardest to change this and I will give you an update somewhere down the line and let you know how it is going.

Even when ill and in pain it felt like such a struggle to ask for help. I was the helper, the do-er, the one who could take care of the kids, the house, my friend's that needed advice -- even if I was wincing in pain. I love to give to people and I am not so great at receiving. When my husband sees me obviously exhausted from a long day working, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house and running errands he comes home and asks what can he do to help. My response is usually "nothing -- I've got it". My mom does TONS for me and our family -- she knows me better than to ask -- she just DOES to avoid me saying "no". She still gets upset with me not asking for help. Just last night she said 'Why didn't you tell me you needed that -- I was at that store -- you KNOW I would have picked it up for you..." Most of my friends won't even ask what they can do for me because they have asked so many times and know what my answer will be....

Well get ready everyone I'm about to ask for some help! Yes, I would love more time for myself, with my husband or with my girlfriends. Get ready I'll be asking! Yes, I would love ideas to write about and for people to proof read some of my stuff. Yes, single play-dates for my kids so I can spend individual time with them -- how wonderful! Yes, we'd love to blow some stuff off and catch up with friends -- I'll be calling! Yes, I could use someone to talk to and I will reach out the next time I am down! I want people to vote for me in The Blog for a Year Competition and I will be asking! If I practice these enough they will in time become habit and it will be natural!

It's OK that I cannot do everything and be everything to everyone at all times. Everyone can benefit from help and receiving. I will ask and I know I will receive and BOY will I be grateful for it! I'm ready to give up some control and let go of the notion that everything has to be perfect. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and awareness to realize when you can use a hand and that people WANT to help you. I am thinking differently and will now start to act accordingly.

The most ironic thing about this is I feel like every day for several months I have been preaching the same thing to my 4 1/2 year old daughter Christina. She is very independent and would rather huff and puff and struggle trying to move a heavy object than to admit she needs a hand. Wonder where she got that bad habit from? : ) Luckily there was a song that came from one of her favorite cartoons on Nick Jr. "Wow Wow Wubbzy" that says it all "Ask for a Little Help". Below is the video -- the song is only the first minute and a half...


We'd sing and dance to it and I feel like it has sunk in for her. This week she stayed out of school with bronchitis. For the first time she came to me for help. Whether it was with her computer, opening something, putting something away or reaching for something, she's said "Mommy, I need some help". She's recovered and still continues to ask and I make sure I tell her "Yes, Christina -- mommy LOVES helping you -- thanks for asking". Now it's time for mommy to learn!

Thanks Greg for the tag. I needed this little wake up call! Here's the info on the Challenge:

The Think Different Challenge is all about finding something in your life you currently have negative thoughts or feelings towards (eg work or your mother-in-law), and deciding to look at it differently. It is about realizing that some things are just a part of life, so we may as well try to find the positives in them.

Who Can Participate?

This is an online writing project, so anyone who can publish text and active links on the internet can participate. Having your own website or blog is not a requirement, just write a post with links in your favorite social networking site.

The Rules

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want.
2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).
3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.
4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.
5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

I want to continue this challenge and I’ve decided to tag the following:

Adam Kayce at Monk at Work

Deb at Fibro-Free

Stacie at Everyday Reflections

Isabella Mori at Moritherapy

Don't be surprised if the next time we talk I ask you for help with something! ; ) Have fun with this one -- I did!

Mini-Goals to Heal Pain and Move Forward with Life

PHYSICAL
What are your physical goals? Do you want to lose weight, exercise more, eat less, get stronger, increase endurance, feel less pain? To lay them all out like that may seem like you are setting a goal -- but if you just leave it like that will you honestly get there just by wishing it so? The more you break it down the better chance you have of obtaining the goal.

I want to lose "that last 5 pounds" and feel more fit and strong. My mini steps are to

1. Walk a minimum of 45 minutes 3 times a week. (or cross country ski soon)
2. Do 1-2 Exercise on Demand Workouts a week
3. Drink water regularly -- at least 6-8 glasses a day
4. Become conscious on everything I eat and to eat slowly. Thanks Alex Shalman for the reminder in your article Three Little Things to Make Your Life Better Today! With 2 kids it's easy to inhale! : )

Suddenly my final goal seems more obtainable. If I concentrate on one of these at a time I can do it and it will not seem overwhelming. They will become habits as I change my behavior and I can move onto the next.... I have gotten the walking down and the water drinking now I have the other 2 to work on.... Soon my goal will be met and I experienced tons of joy and feelings of accomplishment as I crossed off the other 2.

I make sure I stop and feel grateful for every mini goal met. When a big goal is met I am overjoyed, take the time to be grateful and appreciate and then after a while set up a new major goal in that area. Just as healing was my first physical goal and I just outlined the one I'm currently working on.

EMOTIONAL
Relational
Emotional encompasses your own emotions as well as the emotions you experience in relationships. How do you want your relationships to be with your spouse, kids, parents, friends? What mini-steps could you use to get there? Do you need more time with them? Better communication? More time doing a different activities?

• My husband and I use 2 steps that I think are wonderful and have helped to keep us so close. We have "date night"whenever we can. Whether it be a long walk or a night out on the town the time away from the house, kids and the "to-dos" do wonders and help us to reconnect.

• The other is on the 26th (our anniversary is July 26) of every month we look into each other's eyes, assess the last month, talk and say 'I love you". It might not have been the easiest month or it may have been a wonderful month. But to know that on the 26th we give gratitude to our love and relationship can heal whatever we have been through and helps us to know we always have each other.

• If I am feeling upset it helps to make a list of all the wonderful traits of the person I am upset with.

• I set mini goals in these areas consistently and they seem to change with whatever relationships I feel "need work" and extra attention at that time.

Your emotions
How do you want to feel? We know with the Law of Attraction in order to receive more good you need to feel good! I am not saying to walk in a happy fog and not notice when things aren't going your way... But better not to dwell in the negatives and to use them to contrast what you do want.

• A gratitude list is a great way to feel good. Going through in your mind who and what you are grateful for upon waking and before bed are excellent ways to do this.

• I have been known to use the rubber band and snap myself out of those lingering negative thoughts.

• What makes you feel good? Do more of it.

• Who makes you feel good? See more of them! Set mini goals to ensure you do so.

MENTAL
I feel I have to constantly educate myself or I become very bored and disconnected. Do you have a passion? Set some goals to learn more about it. There are so many free resources on the internet and at the library. I receive so many newsletters and e-books on the law of attraction, personal development, health, internet and computer games and I LOVE learning and becoming more knowledgeable.

• Crosswords, Sudoku, Chess all have been proven to sharpen your mental abilities. If you exercise your brain consistently just like you would your body you will find you take in information and process it easier than before.

• Learn more about something you love or something you have been curious about for a while. Setting goals for educating yourself and expanding your mind will leave you open for inspiration and increase your self confidence.

FINANCIAL
Ok -- so I want to be "financially free" -- but WHAT does that mean for me and HOW in the world do I get there? The best way to approach this is to look at your strengths, set some goals and break them down as far as you can.

I believe in the multiple streams of income approach so that if one thing doesn't work out you have some other kind of support system in place. I have a few passions and have combined them into my goals. A successful blog, successful internet ventures and getting my invention manufactured. All of these needed mini goals for me to take any steps.

• What are your strengths? What do you want to do? Maybe you need to take Steve Pavlina's How to Discover Your Life's Purpose in 20 Minutes Exercise to move onto the next step.... The important thing is a break down of how much you need to live, how much you can realistically expect to make at each of the ventures, education in the areas you want to excel in and mini goals to make it all take shape.

• Everyone who has excelled has taken several steps to get there and had the determination to do so.... you can do it... you need to Ask Believe Receive as the Law of Attraction and 'The Secret" say or you can use the other approach. I just read a post on Raymond's Attracting Your Goals blog that puts it in a different way. What BDH has to do with the Law of Attraction. It's a great post and I was happy to find it because it gives another way of looking at things. BDH stands for Be Do Have and I believe that in order for you to succeed ACTION is key. You have to Be the person you want to be and Do the actions necessary to Have what you desire. Thanks for the insight Raymond!

SPIRITUALITY
I used to think Spirituality was JUST about religion but now I know differently. My beliefs don't fit into any one category "Catholicism, Buddhism, Judaism". I believe religion/spirituality is a personal choice that has to resonate within you. If you can find that within one religion that is wonderful for you and churches and religious communities certainly have a lot to offer. I was fortunate enough to be exposed to many religions and through yoga, meditation and reading discovered spirituality. I think it is very important to feel spiritually connected and I have gained a lot in my last years' exploration. I have become more aware, I have become even more interested in pursuing religious and philosophical readings and I know how important it is to feel like you are connected and not alone. My goals keep changing in this area and I adjust my mini-goals accordingly.

• Readings, meditations, gratitude -- taking time for each are all part of my mini-goals to achieving the state of spirituality that I want to be in.

I didn't set goals in all these areas at once nor do I expect myself to excel in all of them at the same time. My health was the most important when I was ill and I focused on that and spirituality to help me heal. Now my focus has changed to financial and continued health as I progress in my other areas. These goals will change a bit as life takes me in unexpected directions as life seems to do. It's OK -- I will adjust my mini-goals accordingly and know my road has changed for a reason.

If you don't have goals -- how will you know if you've gotten to where you want to be? Use goal setting to help heal whatever physical and emotional hurdles you want to tackle. If you get exhausted just thinking about your goals -- mini goals may be just the baby steps you need to help you reach your maximum potential in ALL areas of your life.

"Heal Pain with Mini Goals" by Jennifer Mannion

In order to heal pain mini goals are needed to be successful. If you try to take on HUGE undertakings and over-extend yourself you will most likely get frustrated and give up. Healing pain makes you feel positive about yourself and accomplishing mini tasks is a good way to jump-start your self-confidence.

There were so many mornings when I could NOT get out of bed. I would drag myself downstairs crying to make lunch for my son and get my daughter ready for the day. I would beat myself up about "all the things that needed to be done that I couldn't do".

When I began to know I could heal myself l knew I had to set some goals. I knew I could not start out with the list I had back in my "healthy" days. So I made a list of 20 -- 5 minute items that I wanted to accomplish that week. It was all stuff that would make me feel good and stuff I could accomplish even on my bad pain days. Crossing things off a list makes you feel productive since you have accomplished tasks. I don't care WHAT those things are. If it is call a friend that you haven't talked to in a year or one that makes you laugh, write a list of your top 20 books/movies/songs, listen to 1/2 hour of uplifting music, take a walk -- no matter how short -- it works wonders, clean out 1 drawer, etc...

When you see things crossed off it makes you want to accomplish more things and come up with more goals. If you have no goals written down it is easy to not do anything when you are ill and in pain. Quick -- what 10 mini-goals can you do in the next week that would make you feel good? Can you write them down or type them out RIGHT NOW? You won't regret it!

To find out about the other techniques I used to heal myself from chronic pain and illness please learn more about my ebook or visit my site: http://www.thankfulformyhealing.com