New Year's Resolutions -- Making them Stick

It's that time of year again. Right after we have finished eating, drinking and maybe being a little TOO merry over the holidays it feels time to evaluate the year. What do we want to change for next year? How can we not only set the intention of a resolution but MAKE IT STICK?

This is very special to me this year because it marks one year of declaring that I would heal myself. Now, a year later I am 100% pain and pain pill free and am tremendously proud of myself. I had my setbacks, I had my "hard times" sticking with my goals but I never backed down and am living the rewards every day. Now I will set my goals for 2008 and the main one is that 2008 will be to finances as 2007 was for my health.

I am reading and educating myself on how to best maximize the use of time and in the next few days will set specific goals and mini goals for achieving success. Yes, I also want to drop that holiday weight, exercise more, spend more quality time with my kids, husband, friends AND myself but all of these involve me working on my time management skills so that is where I am starting. I just received Tim Ferris's book "The Four Hour Workweek" for Christmas which came highly recommended to me from my friend Greg Butler at Holistic Personal Development. Thanks Ray (my husband) for the book -- as you know I can't put it down! : ) I am finding it to be wonderfully informative and expect great results after putting into practice all the ideas and useful challenges Tim Ferris puts out there.

OK -- so you now know what MY goals are but what are yours and how will you make them stick past January 10th? Here are some steps that ensure success:

1) Set Goals and MINI goals

I wrote about this before and think it is very important. If you set a HUGE goal like "I want to be in shape" but do not set mini goals on how to do that it makes it more challenging to stick with. For example I want to work on time management so I can figure out how to balance home, work, kids, friends, writing, exercise and "me" time. My first mini goal was to read the Tim Ferris book to get me in the right mindset. My second step will be to sit down and write mini goals for all these areas of my life. My third goal will be to apply the knowledge from the book to the areas of my life and to work out some sort of time window for each. Make them OBTAINABLE, LOGICAL steps to get to your final big goal and you will feel a confidence boost EVERY completed step of the way.

2) Don't Jump Ship if you get off Course!

Wow - this is a biggie. I am sure we all have either heard someone say or said ourselves a variation of the following: "Well I was doing well dieting but then I ate a whole pack of cookies so I am not on a diet anymore" or "I quit smoking but got stressed out and needed a few so now I am a smoker again". ALMOST EVERYONE will have set-backs when changing a habit. Expect them. If you are changing a habit you need to be patient with yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself more chances. When I was healing myself I had days when it seemed I got nothing but bad news and my negative self-talk would start up again. Soon after the aches would follow. Luckily part of educating myself was learning about mindfulness and I would tell myself "Ok Jen -- I know this seems bad -- but you have until tonight to feel badly then you will say your gratitude list and wake up better". It never occurred to me to return to my old ways because I was determined to see results and I knew and believed in what I wanted to achieve. Apologize to yourself, forgive yourself and try again.

3) Believe in Yourself -- Visualize the Outcome and FEEL the Gratitude for it
After seeing the movie "The Secret", reading Deepak Chopra and about the mind/body connection I KNEW I would heal myself. I imagined myself healthy, not going to doctors all the time, chasing after the kids with energy to spare, starting a career and seeing friends and family more often. I would close my eyes and visualize HOW WONDERFUL it would feel to be healthy and be able to accomplish goals. It only took a minute a day but the joy I got from that picture would last me all day. See yourself skinny and in that bathing suit, see yourself accepting an award, see yourself making money and the things you will do with it when you have it. Feel how that would make you feel. If you are getting "off course" it's time to visualize again and KNOW that the end result is worth any sacrifice you feel you are making.

4) Feel Gratitude for the Strides you are Making

Mini goals are great because you get to pat yourself on the back for each step taken. You also need to show yourself gratitude for ANY steps you are taking in the right direction. An example is you have said "no sweets" and you go out to a dinner party. Instead of having your usual 3 cookies you only have 1. Will you beat yourself up for that 1 you had or celebrate that you didn't grab any more? It is important to be GRATEFUL for the self control you did show. This offers you encouragement to keep it up, shows you have strength, builds your self confidence and shows that you are in control.

5) Educate Yourself on the Best Way to Achieve Your Goals
Have you set the same goal of working out more or losing weight every year and gone about it the same way only to fail? Have you set up a rigorous weight training schedule that you can't keep up with? Have you tried quitting smoking cold turkey and not been able to make it stick? Maybe you need a different approach.

There is SO much information on the internet about ANY goal you want to achieve. Do the research, find a DIFFERENT way for you to achieve your goal(s) this year. While educating yourself ask if what you are reading resonates within you? Can you see yourself sticking with yoga better than weight training? If you educate yourself you might even come up with "back-up" methods to achieve your goals. For example -- if you've always wanted to try yoga and aerobics set your intention to exercise using EITHER method that way if you don't like one you can try the other. Where I live there is a Free Exercise on Demand channel where you can try different workouts. The more options you have to achieve your goal(s) the less likely you will abandon it.

6) Pair up with a Buddy
Do you have any friends with similar goals? Any way you can help each other? Most of the times that I go for a walk and all the times I cross country ski it is with friends. Not only do I LOVE the time with my friends but it also is harder NOT to workout if you have a buddy that is counting on you as well. Similarly I recently became part of a Mastermind Group. It helps so much to set intentions, share ideas and have a support system. Every 2 weeks we meet through Skype and set an intention of what we hope to accomplish over the next 2 weeks. To set that intention helps me to keep my priorities and STAY on track. A GREAT place to meet people online, find a buddy or Mastermind Group and set some goals is Personal Development Partners -- Founded by Aaron Potts.

Whether you are trying to heal pain, gain success, achieve financial wealth, quit smoking, get in better shape, bond with friends and family, gain better time management skills or whatever other resolutions you are hoping to achieve -- I believe these steps will help you STAY on track. I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy and successful 2008! Remember only you control your own mind, thoughts and actions and if you BELIEVE you will ACHIEVE. Thank you Stacie for suggesting I write on New Year's Resolutions... it has been therapeutic and fun to reflect on the past year and set my intentions for 2008!

Ahh - the Holidays -- Shift Your Attention to what you love about them!

Wow -- I look at days like today and say "I am SO grateful for my health and my healing". A year ago I could not have done even 1/100th of what I did today. My father and step-mom come tomorrow and stay a few days so I am doing the last minute shopping, clean up, cooking prep, wrapping, etc. I was a bit stressed earlier in the week and saw it effect my energy level and even felt some old aches wanting to manifest. Luckily I read Edward Mill's post "The Holiday Anti-Stress Guide -- 19 Tips For a Relaxing Holiday Season". It really helped me to look at where my attention was going and gave me some GREAT tips on what needed work.

I began to shift my attention and focus on the GOOD stuff about the holidays and what I look forward to. I made my lists, let myself off the hook about some of the endless things along with work that needed to be done, delegated some tasks so my husband and kids could help me and started to think about what I LOVE about the holidays. I was swamped and my lists were long but I knew if I did not get some mental health time I would only sink lower. I called my good friend Angela and invited her over and after an hour of talking and hanging out was completely renewed. I've mentioned before the importance of good friends and there really is no way to say how much my friends mean to me.

I made a comment on the above Evolving Times article about one of my favorite holiday traditions. Every year I write out cards for my mother, father and Ray (my husband). Sometimes they include poems specifically for the person. Other times they are a recap of the year and how I am grateful for that person. This is something I REALLY look forward to every year and I know means a lot to my family.
I was being hard on myself because I had not written on my computer blog in a long while and thought, "time to shift my attention and figure out a way to get this done AND have fun instead of looking at is as work". I previewed a few and found age appropriate ones. I then asked my son Alex, 8 to HELP me play some holiday games so I could test and review them and we had a lot of fun together. I don't get much one on one time with Alex during the school year that doesn't involve studying and it was great to have him help with "mommy's work". We laughed, talked about the games and I had the most fun I have ever had "working" on a post. This picture is of me, my father and Alex 2 Christmas's ago.

Shifting attention is one of the methods I highlight in my e-book that helped me to heal. There is POWER in shifting your attention to what IS good instead of concentrating on what is not working or what is causing you stress. I used this when I was very ill and could only find about an inch of my body that wasn't screaming in pain. To concentrate on the one pain-free part and feel gratitude INSTEAD of concentrating on all the painful parts CHANGED the way my body was perceiving pain.

If you are stressed about the holidays and money, scheduling, gift choosing, store lines, endless get-togethers -- try and think about the GOOD stuff that makes you happy during the holidays. Is there a relative or friend you love seeing that you will see around this time? How can you let the ones you love KNOW how special they are? (You needn't spend a dime on this - a note works wonders). Do you have any Holiday songs you look forward to hearing every year? Yes, even "Dominick and Donkey" and "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer" count! Do you have a holiday treat or meal you look forward to? Do you have one holiday tradition that always makes you smile?

Shifting attention and concentrating on the meaning of Christmas and the holidays versus how much it takes to get them together will help you to feel good, reduce stress and actually get you in the holiday spirit! In my last post I wrote about staying healthy during the holiday season. To BE happy and FEEL the joy of the holidays goes even one step further to ensuring your health, emotional and physical, during what is called the most stressful time of the year. I highly recommend reading Edwards Mill's post on the holidays and focusing on all the good and joy surrounding the holidays. I wish everyone all the best and make sure to treat yourself well and give yourself some rest during these busy times!

Walks are not only GREAT for Exercise but also for Healing

Walking is by far my favorite exercise as well as my favorite way to clear my mind. I grew up in New York City so I was used to walking EVERYWHERE. Being outside and feeling the sun on your face somehow makes things seem OK. Walking alone, with a friend or music and headphones can change your mood entirely.

I live in upstate NY now and am fortunate enough to see mountains out my window and have this park pictured 3 blocks away from my home. I am at this park 2-3 times a week no matter what the weather is. I take my kids in the summer time to the playgrounds and in the winter they can sled there. I have taken walks and cross country skied there no matter WHAT the weather. My husband and I have had our "date night" there sitting by the dock and talking. No matter how I make it to this park, what the weather is or if I am with someone or alone -- I always come back refreshed.

If I am walking alone I do my gratitude first for being able to get out and walk outside and for the beauty around me and then let whatever it is come to my mind. If it is a problem I try and figure out possible solutions to the problem. If it is something good I acknowledge the good and feel grateful for it. I let my mind wander but do take notice of the flowers, mountains, animals, and pure beauty that only nature can hold. I've seen the moon rise over the mountains, I have seen deer, rabbits, groundhogs and tons of birds and every time I am thankful.
If I walk with a friend, friends or my husband at the park I am so happy to be out and talk and listen non-stop. The interaction along with the nature feels healing every time. My friend Angela is the person I walk with the most and we always stop and say JUST how beautiful it is. We always have a hug and a "thank you" because we know just how lucky we are to walk in such a beautiful place and to have each other's friendship. If one of us is having a bad day or just needs to talk we'll shoot each other a quick email saying "walk later?" or give a call and we know we will return later healed. In the winter I feel it is MOST important to get out and walk. You can always put on layers and make it a quick one. The air and the sun (or the moon) make you feel alive and can be a very quick cure for the "winter blues". Yes, it can be a pain and take a while to put on the layers of clothes and bundle but the effort is more than worth the result of how you'll feel when you come back.

Walking with music can also be very therapeutic. With MP3 players you can walk around with your whole music collection. You can pick certain songs to cause emotions or just set it to random and surprise yourself with what comes up. Walking with music playing has a meditative effect on me. Feeling the music and being in nature is so calming and beautiful. I usually make sure to play upbeat music for the more strenuous parts of the walk and I don't even realize I am exercising.

When I was ill I still went for walks. No, not as far but just getting out always made me feel more alive then sitting in and not moving. It doesn't have to be an hour and a half walk to make you feel better. Even 5 minutes can do the trick. Fresh air and a change of scenery are healthy and vital to healing.

Walks in nature are so beautiful but I did grow up walking in New York City and walks had the same effect there. The people and store watching, the parks, the energy of the city -- all of it made the action of walking seem non-existent. It doesn't matter where you are -- there are always places to walk and find beauty.

If you are looking to walk for weight loss, About.com offers a great article on how to know how many calories you are burning while walking. Walking improves your health and is about the easiest exercise program you can start since all you need is a good pair or shoes or sneakers. You can take your time, start off with small walks and make them longer as your endurance grows. Call a friend and try to set up a weekly meeting for a walk that way it is on the calendar and it will make you less likely to "skip it". There are tons of ways to take walks and lots of places to explore. Getting out and doing it is key and you will feel renewed, refreshed and healed not only physically but emotionally as well.

Good Friends Help Heal Pain

Friendship has a lot of different faces. There are the friends that drain you, casual friends that don't have much of an affect on you, friends you go through phases with of being close and drifting, or friends that can help to heal you they know you so well or are so uplifting.

On Saturday I will be maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Julie and I have been friends for over 26 years and as I review the poem I wrote to read to her at the toast I am reminded of what a true friendship we have and how lucky I have been in friendships in my life.

When I was ill there were friends that truly dropped me. They figured I would be no fun or felt they didn't know how to relate to me. I also pulled back from a lot of people because I felt limited and did not ever want to complain. I was immersed in my pain and limitations but there were still those friends that when I talked to them -- I felt lighter. Friends that made me laugh, friends that always had something good to tell me about, friends that asked me about me and listened to the answer rather than just waiting to talk. Friends that didn't judge -- just let me be me and loved me for who I was.

When I started reading Susan Sark she talked about the importance of friends and I started REALLY looking at all the wonderful people I have been lucky enough to know in my life. I started calling old friends I hadn't talked to. I took my first mini vacation in 8 years away from my husband and kids to NYC where I met up with 20 friends from different times of my life for dinner. Boy was THAT fun! I also started taking hour long walks a few times a week with my close friend Angela. A talk with a good friend can feel better than just about anything else; inspirational, thought provoking, fun, warm, loving and uplifting.

When I was in the process of healing myself I made sure I spent a lot more time around my friends that made me feel good. Calling a good friend you haven't talked to in a while is a GREAT way to elevate your mood as well as your friend's mood. I am always amazed that I can talk to a friend I haven't talked to in YEARS and it feels like not a day has passed (except we both have LOTS of share and catch up on).

Good friends are so necessary to our well being. It is important not to take them for granted or to forget about the good ones you have made. Next time you know you have 1/2 hour and are thinking about watching TV or playing a game -- why not pick up the phone instead? Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while that you miss. You will immediately lift their mood as well as yours. You will have also gained 1/2 hour of much greater entertainment and reward than the computer or the TV could give you.