Appreciate EVERY Moment NOT Just the GOOD ONES

I will begin with a poem by Rumi called "The Guest House":

This being human is a guesthouse
every morning a new arrival
a joy, a depression, a meanness
some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.
Still treat each guest honorably
he may be cleaning you out
for some new delight!

The dark thought, the shame, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

This is one of my favorite poems and is posted in front of me between my computer monitor and my vision board. These are words that keep me sane through what might seem like "the end of my little world" at the time. It is so easy to get caught up in the emotion of the moment, dramatize, and be so involved in your own despair, worry or anger that it spirals you downward. We have been taught that "bad things happen" and we react accordingly, often before we even have time to process the experience as a whole. Sometimes when we have gone over the same negative pattern of thinking so many times the initial problem becomes twenty times worse than it originally was.

You Can Learn from EVERY Emotion

EVERY moment and every emotion that you ever experience should not be judged harshly. If you judge and say things for example like:

"But I KNOW this should not have happened",
"They are so wrong -- how could they have done that to me?" or
"But they were PERFECT for me -- how could this relationship end?!"....

you are missing out on an important opportunity. Every experience can be learned from. Every strong emotion examined for cause and effect. Be grateful for the times that might seem the toughest because within you can find your greatest strength and learning experience. You stand to learn a lot about yourself and why your life is where it is at that moment when you are aware. Then you can fully experience life around you instead of letting it flow thoughtlessly on autopilot from moment to moment.

I have touched on this many times in "Do I Have to Be Positive ALL the Time for the Law of Attraction to work?" and in my several posts on consciousness. I was one to berate myself for feeling badly -- "But Jen, you study all this positive stuff -- how can you allow yourself to feel badly?" Now when I feel badly about a situation I ask myself different questions:

How AM I feeling? (What specific emotion)
What caused this? (Is it just this situation at hand or is there more baggage attached to it?)
What can I learn from this?
What can happen next that this turns out to be OK? (Just imagining the possibilities can bring a new calmness)

I then try and set a limit for the emotion if it is sadness, frustration, worry.... It is wonderful to process and feel fully a "negative" emotion but is not healthy if you just sit there and dwell in it indefinitely. There are techniques to "let go" if you find yourself hanging onto the negative emotion for too long.

There is also the issue that if you do not honor or process these emotions you will be creating blockages as well as not learning from the situation. When you do not learn from the experience -- history will repeat itself and you will be tested again until you learn the lesson. Even after you think you have learned that lesson it is possible that you will be presented with a similar situation again that will ensure you have mastered and know how to handle it. I recently encountered this and talk about it in my post, "5 Steps for 'Letting Go' and Moving Forward".

How Do You KNOW it Was Bad?

Tim Brownson is a fellow blogger that makes me laugh out loud he is so funny. I just got done reading Tim Brownson's book, "Don't Ask Stupid Questions? (There are no Stupid Questions)" and found a very relevant chapter "Had a Bad Day -- How do you KNOW?" Tim is also a life coach and I highly recommend checking out more on his blog, "A Daring Adventure " and his books. Tim has very wonderful, funny, genuine and insightful writing.

I am a BIG believer in "everything happens for a reason". KNOWING that can get you through just about anything. Even the most in tune intuitive does not know what will happen moment to moment and what it all means in the big scheme of things. How do you know your last relationship wasn't meant to end so someone better for you could come along? How do you know that job you "wanted so badly" wouldn't have made you miserable in 6 weeks? The truth is NO ONE can know why everything happens at the time it happens. I have seen first hand how looking at things this way produces new results and leaves you open to all the possibilities.

There are times when the reasons are easy to find when you examine the situation. When my husband took a job 5 hours away from the family it was easy to find SOME of the good in it; more money, more opportunity to sharpen skills, time to work on his websites and martial arts journal.... and some of the reasons are being revealed to us now.... he is making great contacts, he is able to reconnect with friends, I am getting my first alone quiet time (at night when the kids go to sleep) in 10 years..... Sure, I miss him and there are some times I get pretty sad about it and feel his absence greatly. What helps is allowing myself to be sad for that little while and also KNOWING we will be stronger for it as individuals and as a couple and appreciating all the things we are learning about ourselves and life in general through this process. I know there are lessons in this and welcome the experience instead of concentrating on how much I miss him which would make me miserable and accomplish nothing!

It is so important to "Listen to Your self-talk" when you are going through what might seem like a "trying" time. Are you in your old habits of telling yourself how bad things are and worrying or are you opening up to the possibility that you just MIGHT NOT KNOW EVERYTHING and maybe things are going this way for a reason?

When I was ill I was constantly telling myself how sick I was. I was worried about how tests would come out, I was busily making my next doctor appointments, I WAS my illness and therefore gave my body no time to be healthy. The way you talk to yourself, your reactionary habits, how you process emotions are all so important to your well being. Being "conscious" of your emotions and self-talk takes some time and you will have relapses (believe me I know). But as Mr. Tolle pointed out in the Oprah/Tolle Webinar on Eckhart Tolle's, "A New Earth", the lapses become more and more infrequent and farther apart. I am no Tolle but it is amazing how far I have come in the last 18 months. Once you are aware that YOU are the only one responsible for the "voice in your head" and start listening rather than letting the corresponding emotions or bodily reactions rule you... You will learn to appreciate ALL your emotions, know that they do in fact serve a purpose and celebrate every gorgeous (and not so gorgeous) moment this life has to offer you.

Heal Yourself by Helping Others

Let's face it -- everyone can use some help in something in our lives whether we ask for it or not. My history is being a person that has a very difficult time asking for help but one that loves to help others. To be healthy I believe you need to be able do both. It is important not to become a martyr, over-extend yourself or become the victim of energy vampires..... But helping others can enliven you and actually does have a healing affect. There are many ways to help people from assisting a neighbor or friend, to donating to a worthy cause to just being there to listen and encourage someone. I would like to tell you about 2 people that I believe could use your help, about a few few sites you can go to to donate to others in real need without spending a dime, a few places to get help and I would like to thank a few people that have helped me recently.

2 Bloggers (and wonderful people) who could use your help --
Camille & Suzie

I have written about Camille when I included her article "The Art of Change" in my post "5 Steps for Embracing Change". What I did not tell you is she is an animal lover and beyond that can really communicate with and understand animals. She is love and you know that from the first minute you hear her lovely voice. Camille lost her good friend (and dog) Raja a few months ago and because of health issues had put off getting another dog for a while. When she saw an ad in the paper about a very injured dog who needed a home she knew she had to help. She took the dog to the vet and it had to have a toe amputated to stop an infection from spreading. The dog was malnourished and obviously scared and Camille has used her connection with animals and her love to heal this dog. Vet bills are not cheap and she is asking for assistance to go directly to the vet if possible. Please visit her page on Buddy on her site to learn more. Here is a picture of her new "Buddy". Camille, Buddy is in such wonderful hands now and I know you will both help to heal each other with your mutual love. I know you'll receive the support you need to care for him.

Suzie of the "Abundance Highway" has a goal she is hoping to reach using The Law of Attraction that she calls "My Big Hairy Audacious Goal" and I am also hoping she reaches it. She is a big fan on Michale Losier and wants to attend his "Law of Attraction Facilitators Program" but it is a lot of money to travel from where she is to see him ($8,000) and she is asking for donations to get her there. Please check out her site which has lots of resources and wonderful articles and donate to this cause to make her law of attraction goal a reality. She exudes realness and kindness and I know she will use whatever she learns at the conference to help her readers and others. Suzie -- I wish you the best for your big hairy audacious goal and hope to hear about your trip!

Sites to go to Donate for Free and Have some Fun While you Do it!

I highlighted the game "Free Rice" on my Kid's Non Violent Computer Games blog and this is a wonderful idea. Below is SOME of my review from my site:
"Give Rice to the Hungry While Improving Your Vocabulary"

Free Rice is an amazing site. It is a sister site to poverty.com which has a very important message about hunger in the world that follows:"About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes, according to the United Nations. This is one person every three and a half seconds. Unfortunately, it is children who die most often. Yet there is plenty of food in the world for everyone. The problem is that hungry people are trapped in severe poverty. They lack the money to buy enough food to nourish themselves. Being constantly malnourished, they become weaker and often sick. This makes them increasingly less able to work, which then makes them even poorer and hungrier. This downward spiral often continues until death for them and their families. "

There is a site site freerice.com where for every correct answer you give to a vocabulary question they will donate 20 grains of rice to hungry people. 5 questions right = 100 grains of rice for the hungry. FreeRice has two goals: To provide English vocabulary to everyone for free and to help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free. This is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on their site.

Please visit freerice.com and increase your vocabulary and give to the hungry at the same time. I don't know about you but I find it very difficult to be hungry even for a few hours -- for many their life consists of being hungry on a daily basis. Please take a minute and help them out and sharpen your vocabulary at the same time. Do it with your kids as a way to educate them about hunger and about helping people in need. The vocabulary varies in difficulty but even if you get some wrong it won't take away the rice you already have won.

When I wrote the above article on Free Rice, Tom wrote in to tell me about another similar site "Answer 4 Earth" that asks general questions and you are helping the environment and saving trees as you answer questions. It is a fun game and you learn while playing! Their mission statement is as follows:

"Answer4Earth was founded as a call to action to the people of the world in response to our growing environmental crisis. It has reached a critical stage where the average global citizen can no longer just stand by idly hoping for others to solve this problem. You now have the opportunity to jump in and make a real difference. We are not asking you to donate money. We are not asking you to get your hands dirty. All we need you to do is simply play a game and have fun (and learn some interesting information along the way)!Just by you playing this game, trees will be planted throughout the world (to find out how this works, read our FAQs). In addition to helping stem global warming, the trees planted by our partner charities clean the air, improve soil quality, prevent erosion, create animal habitats, sustain valuable water sources, and provide healthy nutrition to needy populations. So get on it, start playing, save the environment, feed the poor, get smarter, all that good stuff... Please don't forget to tell your friends to play too! Our Earth needs all the help we can give... are we smart enough to save the planet? "

The next site is to help Silverback Gorillas and the game is free to download to your mobile phone. This game will help you learn about the Silverback Gorillas and donate to a worthy cause at the same time. From the site:

"The mountain gorilla is one of the largest and strongest animals on the planet, yet it is also extremely vulnerable. Little more than 700 individuals survive in the dense forests of Central Africa. The International Gorilla Conservation Programme (IGCP), a partnership between Fauna & Flora International (FFI), African Wildlife Foundation (AWF), and the World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF), has been working to protect the gorillas since 1991. Dedicated conservation initiatives have ensured that mountain gorilla numbers are now slowly increasing. The global population of mountain gorillas has increased by 17% since the start of the Programme. Make your mobile work for conservation! Recycling your mobile can not only reduce the demand for coltan but also directly support gorilla conservation! For every mobile phone it receives, Fauna & Flora International gets £5 for its conservation work. "

The game has received good reviews and who can resist the cute face of a baby gorilla!

Places to go to Get Help

The Thirty Day Challenge

If you want to learn about internet marketing, blogging, SEO or internet tools at all I HIGHLY recommend signing up for this year's Thirty Day Challenge. It is how I discovered my love for blogging last year and begins in August as a free month long class. Run by the fantabulously entertaining Ed Dale and Dan Raine -- you will get more than your moneys worth -- oh right it's free AND it is priceless! ;-) The pre-launch is officially June 1 and for the next 2 months leading up to the challenge (Starts Aug 1) they will supply you with tons of resources to hone your internet marketing skills or to start off a new blog or site. It is their way of helping others and giving back as they are VERY successful internet marketers and this is the 30 Day Challenge's 4th Year! Thanks guys -- you helped me to discover my passion for blogging and I am so grateful for the style you teach in. You are funny, bright and make things very easy to understand! Here's my tribute:




Personal Development Partners (PDP)

Aaron Potts started PDP for the specific purpose of helping connect people so they can help each other achieve their goals and reach their dreams. I found real friends at PDP, two of which I am in a Mastermind Group with and have helped me tremendously in the last 7 months. (Thanks guys!) It is a supportive environment with tons of resources and I can never get over JUST how SMART everyone is. Ask a question and you will get 10 GREAT answers. Thank you Aaron... you know I am a huge fan of Today is That Day and PDP!


Personal Thank yous
(For all the help, love and guidance I have received in the last few weeks)

Personal friend/Family Thank yous

This past weekend was Mother's Day and boy do I have some thank yous to dole out for a wonderful Mother's Day.

Ray: My husband is away all week for work but came home and spent his weekend ensuring I had a truly amazing Mother's Day. He worked on the house and pool so we could have friends over, made me a beautiful Mother' Day card and poem, got me a gift certificate to my favorite farm/garden store, took care of the kids so I could go and enjoy Pangea Day and grilled and cooked to perfection. Thank you Ray -- I appreciate all you do for me and love you madly.

Mom: My own mom helped to no end with the festivities and with the kids and as always helps me in 10 ways before I can even think to ask for help. Thank you mom for being an inspiration in how to be a wonderful mother to my own children. I truly do not know what we would do without you. Thank you for your never ending love and support. We all love and appreciate all you do more than words can express.

Whitney: (My step dad) Thank you for being our "pool boy" while Ray is away. We never would have gotten the pool ready in time without you. We appreciate all you do for my mom and for us and the kids! Thanks for your generous spirit and support -- we appreciate it even if Christina does have her choice names for you. ;-) Really, having Christina call you a farting elder is a term of endearment!

Angela & Chris: (Celebrated Mother's Day with us) Angela -- my wonderful friend, confidante, fellow cross country skiier, walker and a great parent to my son's good friend Elias (what a GREAT BOY) along with her husband Chris. Ange -- those cupcakes were yummy! Thanks for celebrating Mother's Day with us -- you know I love you and our friendship more than I can say. Chris -- thank you for mowing our overdue lawn, taking Christina in the pool and playing with her with the boomerang for ever! You guys are awesome and I am so grateful for your friendship.

Janet and Mark -- (Also celebrated Mother's Day with us) If it weren't for you we probably wouldn't even live in this wonderful town now. You showed us how beautiful it is to live upstate, helped us pull off a beautiful and memorable wedding and your children and ours will grow up knowing each other forever. You show us how to balance hard work and get-aways with the kids and are a constant source of inspiration to us. Boy can you cook Markie and Janet you are one Queen of a bartender! Thanks so much for your generosity and for sharing Mother's Day with us. We love you guys and your incredible family.

Internet friends
(Proof you do not even have to be in the same Country to help others out)

Edward Mills -- (of Evolving Times and Edward Mills.com) Yes, Ed you might be getting sick of my hailing your praises but truly you have been an inspiration. Your Energetics of Attraction free ebook and teleseminars offered great tools I can see using indefinitely. Thank you for your friendship and I look forward to seeing your continued success in all you do (which is QUITE a lot) . If you haven't jumped on board for Ed's Energetics of Own Deliberate Creation Course -- I highly recommend checking it out!

Camille -- Ahh sweet Camille -- you have helped me SO MUCH with difficult family situations and life in general. Your love of animals is an inspiration and I am so happy you have found "Buddy". I look forward to your continued healing and know one day you will be as strong physically as you are emotionally.

Kate Strong -- Kate -- you shined light on such a blind spot in my life and I am so very grateful. I know my invention will move forward now with great success because you guided me to the right space I needed to be in. I look forward to you getting stronger physically and know you will accomplish all you set out to do.

There are so many ways to reach out and help others and there are innumerable ways to ask for help. Do not forget to thank those who help you and feel gratitude that they were there to shine some light and assist you. There is nothing that makes my heart warmer than hearing my words or actions have helped someone else. Empowering people to realize their internal healing strength is my passion and I know when people heal they want to pass on that healing to others. Be kind, look for ways to help others and you will feel rewarded and healed in many ways. Thanks to everyone for your continued support -- I am very fortunate to have so many wonderful and inspirational people in my life.

New Year's Resolutions -- Making them Stick

It's that time of year again. Right after we have finished eating, drinking and maybe being a little TOO merry over the holidays it feels time to evaluate the year. What do we want to change for next year? How can we not only set the intention of a resolution but MAKE IT STICK?

This is very special to me this year because it marks one year of declaring that I would heal myself. Now, a year later I am 100% pain and pain pill free and am tremendously proud of myself. I had my setbacks, I had my "hard times" sticking with my goals but I never backed down and am living the rewards every day. Now I will set my goals for 2008 and the main one is that 2008 will be to finances as 2007 was for my health.

I am reading and educating myself on how to best maximize the use of time and in the next few days will set specific goals and mini goals for achieving success. Yes, I also want to drop that holiday weight, exercise more, spend more quality time with my kids, husband, friends AND myself but all of these involve me working on my time management skills so that is where I am starting. I just received Tim Ferris's book "The Four Hour Workweek" for Christmas which came highly recommended to me from my friend Greg Butler at Holistic Personal Development. Thanks Ray (my husband) for the book -- as you know I can't put it down! : ) I am finding it to be wonderfully informative and expect great results after putting into practice all the ideas and useful challenges Tim Ferris puts out there.

OK -- so you now know what MY goals are but what are yours and how will you make them stick past January 10th? Here are some steps that ensure success:

1) Set Goals and MINI goals

I wrote about this before and think it is very important. If you set a HUGE goal like "I want to be in shape" but do not set mini goals on how to do that it makes it more challenging to stick with. For example I want to work on time management so I can figure out how to balance home, work, kids, friends, writing, exercise and "me" time. My first mini goal was to read the Tim Ferris book to get me in the right mindset. My second step will be to sit down and write mini goals for all these areas of my life. My third goal will be to apply the knowledge from the book to the areas of my life and to work out some sort of time window for each. Make them OBTAINABLE, LOGICAL steps to get to your final big goal and you will feel a confidence boost EVERY completed step of the way.

2) Don't Jump Ship if you get off Course!

Wow - this is a biggie. I am sure we all have either heard someone say or said ourselves a variation of the following: "Well I was doing well dieting but then I ate a whole pack of cookies so I am not on a diet anymore" or "I quit smoking but got stressed out and needed a few so now I am a smoker again". ALMOST EVERYONE will have set-backs when changing a habit. Expect them. If you are changing a habit you need to be patient with yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself more chances. When I was healing myself I had days when it seemed I got nothing but bad news and my negative self-talk would start up again. Soon after the aches would follow. Luckily part of educating myself was learning about mindfulness and I would tell myself "Ok Jen -- I know this seems bad -- but you have until tonight to feel badly then you will say your gratitude list and wake up better". It never occurred to me to return to my old ways because I was determined to see results and I knew and believed in what I wanted to achieve. Apologize to yourself, forgive yourself and try again.

3) Believe in Yourself -- Visualize the Outcome and FEEL the Gratitude for it
After seeing the movie "The Secret", reading Deepak Chopra and about the mind/body connection I KNEW I would heal myself. I imagined myself healthy, not going to doctors all the time, chasing after the kids with energy to spare, starting a career and seeing friends and family more often. I would close my eyes and visualize HOW WONDERFUL it would feel to be healthy and be able to accomplish goals. It only took a minute a day but the joy I got from that picture would last me all day. See yourself skinny and in that bathing suit, see yourself accepting an award, see yourself making money and the things you will do with it when you have it. Feel how that would make you feel. If you are getting "off course" it's time to visualize again and KNOW that the end result is worth any sacrifice you feel you are making.

4) Feel Gratitude for the Strides you are Making

Mini goals are great because you get to pat yourself on the back for each step taken. You also need to show yourself gratitude for ANY steps you are taking in the right direction. An example is you have said "no sweets" and you go out to a dinner party. Instead of having your usual 3 cookies you only have 1. Will you beat yourself up for that 1 you had or celebrate that you didn't grab any more? It is important to be GRATEFUL for the self control you did show. This offers you encouragement to keep it up, shows you have strength, builds your self confidence and shows that you are in control.

5) Educate Yourself on the Best Way to Achieve Your Goals
Have you set the same goal of working out more or losing weight every year and gone about it the same way only to fail? Have you set up a rigorous weight training schedule that you can't keep up with? Have you tried quitting smoking cold turkey and not been able to make it stick? Maybe you need a different approach.

There is SO much information on the internet about ANY goal you want to achieve. Do the research, find a DIFFERENT way for you to achieve your goal(s) this year. While educating yourself ask if what you are reading resonates within you? Can you see yourself sticking with yoga better than weight training? If you educate yourself you might even come up with "back-up" methods to achieve your goals. For example -- if you've always wanted to try yoga and aerobics set your intention to exercise using EITHER method that way if you don't like one you can try the other. Where I live there is a Free Exercise on Demand channel where you can try different workouts. The more options you have to achieve your goal(s) the less likely you will abandon it.

6) Pair up with a Buddy
Do you have any friends with similar goals? Any way you can help each other? Most of the times that I go for a walk and all the times I cross country ski it is with friends. Not only do I LOVE the time with my friends but it also is harder NOT to workout if you have a buddy that is counting on you as well. Similarly I recently became part of a Mastermind Group. It helps so much to set intentions, share ideas and have a support system. Every 2 weeks we meet through Skype and set an intention of what we hope to accomplish over the next 2 weeks. To set that intention helps me to keep my priorities and STAY on track. A GREAT place to meet people online, find a buddy or Mastermind Group and set some goals is Personal Development Partners -- Founded by Aaron Potts.

Whether you are trying to heal pain, gain success, achieve financial wealth, quit smoking, get in better shape, bond with friends and family, gain better time management skills or whatever other resolutions you are hoping to achieve -- I believe these steps will help you STAY on track. I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy and successful 2008! Remember only you control your own mind, thoughts and actions and if you BELIEVE you will ACHIEVE. Thank you Stacie for suggesting I write on New Year's Resolutions... it has been therapeutic and fun to reflect on the past year and set my intentions for 2008!

Being Grateful Heals

When I was ill the first step I used from the movie "The Secret" to heal myself was gratitude. While sick and in pain it seemed easy to concentrate on what I could not do, what pain I DID have, what events I would have to miss... When I became aware that "energy flows where attention goes" I knew the very first step was changing the way I was looking at my life and expressing gratitude.

I became aware of all the beauty around me. Having grown up in NYC I was not surrounded by mountains and trees as I now am in upstate NY. I became grateful for my family. My daughter and son who are good, smart, beautiful kids who can always make me laugh. My daughter being healthy even though she was born 9 weeks prematurely. My husband sticking with me through all my illnesses that left me in chronic pain. My husband and all the sacrifices he made for me when I was ill and his never-ending strength , support and love. My mom who would do anything and does PLENTY for me and my kids. My dad who taught me so much and is always there for advice. My friends and extended family that mean the world to me. Above is a picture of my girlfriends helping me to celebrate my birthday this year. They are a constant source of laughter, comfort, GREAT conversation and I am very grateful for them.

I started paying attention to the health I did have. I could walk after all. I could still read and loved to do so. I could talk to friends and family. I started being aware of every single goodness and blessing in my life. I could still write poetry and journal. I could still enjoy music. When I started to pay attention to what I had to be grateful for it felt like I was rediscovering life. So many of the years when I was ill was concentrated on doctor visits, reading up on illnesses, feeling the pain, being angry that I needed medication, etc. that I had forgotten about so many of life's treasures.

There were times when I first started that tears (happy ones) would fall as I went over my list. It seemed I could list things for an hour and not be done by a long shot. Why hadn't I done this before? What an amazingly powerful emotion gratitude is! I concentrated on the mountains on my drive and how beautiful it is where I live -- not where I was hurting or if I missed a light. I'd walk longer concentrating on how good the sun felt on my face or how nice it was to be out rather than on my leg hurting or how I MIGHT feel afterward.

I do my morning gratitude list every day while still in bed and again when in the shower. I say my gratitude list at night while I am about to go to sleep. If ever I get upset during the day I will stop and do a gratitude list either written or in my head. It is a GREAT method for getting refocused and for getting in the moment and letting worries and negative thoughts go.

This Thanksgiving we were supposed to be going to spend it with my husband's relatives. I LOVE my father in law, sister-in-laws and brother-in-law and rarely get to see them. Due to Ray getting a full time job recently and not having accrued vacation time -- we could not make the trip. I thought back to last year. Last year because of my health I would not have even been able to contemplate 15 hours in a car. Last year I would have been so upset and beaten myself up about not being able to keep plans. This year was so different because of who I am now. Yes, I missed his family a great deal but I was not beating myself up about us canceling. I know because my health will continue to be great I will have plenty of opportunities to visit and I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful we can book to be with Ray's family right after Christmas and I know I will be healthy enough to make the trip. I am so grateful Ray got offered a good job. Concentrating on what you are grateful for in a situation rather than what is wrong with the situation gives you strength and refocuses you. You can come up with gratitude for almost any part of your life if you stop and really look at the situation from all angles.

Finding gratitude is the number one tool that allowed me to heal all of my pain. I am grateful I have healed for so many reasons. I love that I can share my healing with people. I am so happy I have the simple tool of gratitude to keep me happy, focused and healthy.

To read testimonials about my e-book which outlines all the methods I used to heal myself please visit my e-book information page. Thank you!

Heal Emotional Pains in Relationships with Graititude

I have been married for 10 years now and know how important it is to take the time to feel gratitude for my spouse as well as all of the other close relationships in my life. It is easy to get caught up in what's wrong but so important to concentrate on what's right and what we are grateful for in our relationships.

Life moves SO fast. It seems I was always saying "it'll get easier" but finally realized it is up to me to make it easier and that is done by how I perceive what is going on around me. With 2 young kids it is very easy for my husband and I to pass each other in the morning and at night saying "Did you do this?", "Did you write this on your calendar", "The kids need this....", without REALLY stopping to connect. When life gets that rapid is when misunderstandings can start to happen. We get caught up in our own worlds and are very aware of what we are personally doing to help our household but lose sight of all the other person is doing as well. Luckily we have tricks to deal with all of this which is why after 10 years of marriage we still can smile and hold hands on a walk. We get very excited for any time we have together and make sure we don't go too long without a long talk to catch up. I highly recommend "date-night" once a week to once a month to ensure alone time to communicate for partners or spouses.

It is important when I get in one of my "I do everything around here" moods to take 5 minutes and think. I have written lists down but even saying a list in my head seems to do the trick. What DO I love about my husband? What DID my kids do recently that made me so happy? Changing the focus and concentrating on the good not only calms me down but makes me more in love with my family and ready to give back to them some more. My son has been known to tell me "thank you mommy, I appreciate all that you do". My husband without asking baked 40 cupcakes for my son to take to school since he saw I was exhausted and to take a "to do" off of my list. The hugs my daughter gives me when I pick her up from nursery school says how much she loves me and missed being away from me. Both my kids will help around the house and my daughter is always asking for "a job". Both my children are so grateful every night when my husband or I read to them. My husband has been known to tell me to get out of the house for a walk when he sees me at the computer for too long because he knows how good I will feel afterward -- even if he has a ton of work to do and now has to look after the kids instead.

I am so grateful for my family and close relationships. In any close relationship you are sure to run into bumps, mood clashes and misunderstandings. Try not to get caught up in the little stuff. If it's big stuff make sure you communicate it clearly -- no one can read minds. Most importantly the good stuff is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL if you stop to think about it and give it it's proper recognition. A gratitude list for the people you are close to is a great way to change your mood. A smile, a hug or a thank you go a long way and will make your partner, kids, or whoever else you are close to grateful and they will want to return the positive emotions you evoked in them.

Have a great weekend and make sure to stop and give gratitude for all that is well and special about your family and all the relationships in your life.