Patience is a Virtue

Patience comes in many forms. Patience as you wait in line or are stuck in traffic, patience when your computer or another item doesn't quite "work" the way you need it to, patience when you feel you are not being understood by someone else, patience with your children, patience when you are waiting for something you want to manifest and the most important of all is...patience with yourself. Patience is something I have struggled with for a long while. When I began to listen to my self talk during my healing process I realized I needed to change the messages I was telling myself in order to learn patience. I have improved dramatically in some areas of my life but there is still a-ways to go in other areas! Researching patience and WHY it is so important makes me all the more determined to keep on working on it in all areas of my life.

WHY is Patience a Virtue?

When you are being patient you are in the "now" and KNOW that being impatient will get you nowhere. When you are patient you are relaxed and are expressing the understanding that everything is fine and if you need to wait a few minutes (or years in some cases) -- there is a reason for it and it is okay. Patience is a virtue because with the world in high speed technology-wise you are CHOOSING to take a second and breathe. You are accepting the now and are appreciating the rewards you get for not being impatient. Patience is its own reward for it means you are tolerant, calm and will benefit from the situation at hand rather than get annoyed by it. Patience is a reward because by being patient you are letting go of judgment that something "needs to happen now". You are sending out signals to the world that "all is okay" and are trusting the Universe which only brings goodness to you.

Self-Talk & Patience

"To lose patience is to lose the battle"
-- Mahatma Gandhi

In my article Self Talk I talk about when you are stuck in traffic or a line how your self talk plays a key role in how you react. Being patient takes the presence on mind to stop and KNOW there is always a good place (a positive space) for your mind to go. Glaring at the checkout person will not move the line faster or make them any less stressed than they already are. Rolling your eyes at the person in back of you does nothing to help their mood. Telling yourself repeatedly you are going to be late if things don't speed up -- does not do anything to relax you or the people around you.

If you change the way you deal with things that pop up that require patience it will become a habit to use these techniques. When you are in a situation that requires short term patience whether it be the grocery store or being "held up"somehow.... try and change the way you are looking at the situation and your focus. Ask yourself how to deal best with the situation.... Have you been looking for time to think about your schedule, a gift idea or to figure something else in your life out? There is always something to think about that is more pleasant than brooding about time lost. Do the people around you look like they can use some positive talk to lighten their mood? You can use the time to connect with another person. Have you taken 2 minutes yet in your day to run through a "gratitude" list in your head? Feeling grateful for what IS right and good in your life is a sure way to shift any mood. I assure you that when you stop putting your attention on every second passing or how long things are taking -- time will move a lot faster.

If something "breaks" down or causes something to take more time -- it is up to you to use that time positively. It may be the Universe's way of telling you to SLOW Down! I would get so frustrated when my computer would freeze and now try to look at it as -- "it was time for a break anyway --I'll use the 10 minutes away to drink some water and refocus and when I reboot my computer it will run even better". Be grateful for having to stop and do a mental check in to see how you are feeling and then decide what is next.

What are the opposite traits of patience? Worry, impatience, intolerance, anger, anxiousness and sometimes even depression. While it is important to Appreciate Every Moment NOT JUST the Good Ones -- these are all emotions that are best not to dwell on for too long. If you begin to feel these emotions because of a situation that requires some patience -- there are ways to change your habits and your immediate reaction (especially in recurring situations).

Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth" talk repeatedly of the importance of being in the present and The Tolle/Oprah free webinar provides helpful tips on moving in this direction. Take notice of the emotions that spring up when you are these situations and think of the reaction you want to replace it with instead. Putting that intention out there and KNOWING you want to change it is the first step. This is one area I HAVE been able to dramatically improve in my life and it did not take long or much to do it. It does require being conscious in that moment but there is lots to gain from this and makes for a much calmer living space.

"Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it."
-- Eknath Easwaran

Everything is as it Should Be

"Patience is the key to contentment"
-- Mohammed

Inventors truly understand the value of patience.... I look forward to sharing my whole journey with my readers but let me just say "it ain't easy". I have had lots of "waiting time" between research, development, re-development, legalese, etc. and all I can say is "thank goodness I have". Sometimes things take a seemingly long time for a reason. It is possible if you react quickly without knowing everything about a situation -- there could be disastrous results. I am so grateful my invention has gone in a VERY different direction then where it started. After 5 years of revisions and many lessons learned, I can honestly say that I am very happy with my team and the new avenues my project has taken!

If you want some ideas for strengthening your patience, you might read my post "5 Steps for Letting Go and Moving Forward". In the article, I highlight ways to be patient, trust and not live in the future but in the now. Maybe you have not "found THE ONE" yet because you need to get yourself in the right space first. Maybe you didn't hear if you got the job you wanted because there is an even better opportunity coming. The more we resist and put pressure on ourselves the more unhappy we will be. The more we learn to relax, trust and have patience the better it is for us and everyone around us.

Patience with Children

Children mirror what they experience. Anyone who is around children frequently knows there are times when patience is something you PRAY for! Yes, I have sat through 4 hour car rides with "are we there yet?" every 30 seconds. (The friend with us who was not used to kids did wind up with an emergency call to her psychiatrist after that -- but that's a whole OTHER story).... I have looked both kids in the eyes when something broke and had them repeatedly say "I didn't do it". I have repeated "Take your vitamin" 20 times and still had it sit there all day (hence the chore charts idea by Ray -- my husband -- GREAT ONE HON!). I have listened to Kidz Bop (Top 40 songs sung badly by kids) over and over and over again.... I can ask for no better lessons in patience than the ones my children offer me. ;-) Remember that with children the way you treat them is how they are learning to treat others. The more patience you show them -- the more they will pass onto others.

Patience with Self

Notice I saved my weakest link for last? ;-) Patience with self includes self love, self esteem and just cutting yourself some slack. I have said as a recovering perfectionist I am facing my toughest challenge yet. I continue to challenge myself and set new goals which is wonderful for my self esteem. I have faced some long time fears and overcome them which helps my self confidence. However I am still my toughest critic and know someday I will grant myself the kindness and support that I try and grant everyone else!

Patience with Self means accepting you will "make mistakes". You just have to trust that you will learn from each experience. Patience with yourself means loving and trusting in yourself unconditionally especially in the most "trying" times. Patience with self is love and tolerance of yourself and all others.

"Infinite patience brings immediate results"
-- Wayne Dyer

"Patience is the key to Paradise"
-- A Turkish Proverb

"If you are patient in one moment of anger,
you will escape a hundred days of sorrow"
-- A Chinese Proverb

Patience is indeed a virtue. One that is well worth the work to achieve. Whether it be for those daily events that come up, for your long term goals in life, influencing children in your life or most importantly for yourself -- patience is a virtue that you can carry through every part of your life. It is not difficult and with a little awareness and shifting attention you can make yourself and everyone around you a lot more relaxed. Even if you accomplish switching your mood to patience one time out of the next 10 I can guarantee you have saved yourself a lot of undue stress and will feel wonderful for it. You might even consider making it a habit! ;-)

In what ways do you show patience? What are some of the skills you use to demonstrate patience?

How to LOVE Spending Time by Yourself

I find it hard to believe that I ever looked at time alone as a "bad thing" but when I was ill and in pain I definitely did. I read a lot but if I was ever alone for an extended period of time (we're talking a few hours since I have a husband and 2 young children it is never longer than that) I would feel lonely and just wind up in a sad state. Looking back I can see it was my chronic pain, "monkey mind", negative self-talk and lack of self-love that made me feel this way.

If you are ill, in pain or if you are in emotional turmoil of some kind -- time alone can be a scary thing. I was always wondering how the next batch of medical tests would come out, concentrating on "how bad I felt" or I was feeling badly about whatever I was "missing out on". I got so caught up in the negatives that unless I "escaped" by means of a fictional novel for hours -- I was actually in worse shape when my family got home.

There were a bunch of things I did that now make me not only LOVE my time alone but CRAVE it if I go too long without! If you dread time alone or just want more ideas for what to do the next time you get some alone time to have a great time -- here are a few things you can do that will make you LOVE and look forward to your time by yourself.

Express Gratitude and Proclaim Your Self Love

I have written about the importance of gratitude and it is still an integral part of my feeling well every day. When ill or in a negative emotional state it seems easy to worry or think about the "bad" things but what a difference it makes when you turn those thoughts around. Stop, be conscious of WHAT you are thinking and DECIDE to list the things and people you are grateful for. Then list the accomplishments or qualities in yourself that you are proud of. This puts you in a MUCH better frame of mind to decide how you will spend the rest of your alone time. It was difficult for me to find positive things to say about myself in the beginning but even things like "I try my best to be a GREAT mom, I can cook, I can dance....." ANYTHING at all you can think of -- the list will just grow as time, your self confidence and your self-love increases.

MEDITATION

My favorite guided meditation, Dr. Deepak Chopra's "Soul of Healing Meditations" is still very powerful for me. Deepak's voice is calming as he has you focusing on what you are grateful for and also guides you through exercises that can show you just how powerful the mind is over the body. Whether you use a guided meditation or enjoy the quiet, take breaths and calm your monkey mind -- meditation is a great way to become conscious and relax.

LISTEN TO MUSIC

Whether it is calming meditative music or music that makes you get up and shake your body -- music can dramatically affect your mood. Do you have music that makes you happy easily available? Now with all the radio stations online and free services such as Pandora you can make sure there is always music you like ready to play. Meditative music can definitely calm my monkey mind at times and put me in a good state but I usually benefit more from putting on some upbeat music and DANCING! Paula Kawal has a GREAT post called "Just Shake It: An Unconventional Way to Shift States". Thank you Albert of The Urban Monk for introducing me to Paula's great blog!

EXERCISE

I have written on how walks heal me and this is still so true -- fresh air can work wonders! I think it is impossible for me to come back from a walk not totally invigorated. I have also used the alone time to put on an exercise video or watch an exercise program on TV. Whether it's gentle yoga stretches, 10 minute abs or a hip hop dance class -- exercising always gets my mood in a wonderful place.

WRITE

This is a biggie for me because my writing styles and habits have changed so dramatically over the years. I have always written in a journal and written poetry. After college and especially during my illnesses the journal writing became more like a verbal spewing when I wasn't feeling great and I was just writing out all the negative things affecting me. Thanks to Susan Sark I look at journaling MUCH differently now. Write about the GOOD stuff. Write out your gratitude list. Write down your top 10 songs. Write about your top happy memories. Write out your goals. No one can write about your life and "your story" like you can. If you write these things down you can later read them and get further inspiration.

Take Up a Hobby/Learn Something New

I wrote about this in my last post so won't rehash it all.... But it is SO wonderful to feel your self-esteem grow while you are gaining knowledge in something that interests you. I have had friends take up knitting and every different ethnicity of cooking. I have tried a myriad of different activities such as belly dancing, yoga, Indian cooking and MANY more. I love reading to educate myself on topics I am interested in such as the mind/body connection instead of JUST using reading as an "escape". There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading something light to make you laugh or that you enjoy but there is something very valuable and rewarding in reading for education on something you love. I try and do a fair amount of fictional and non-fictional reading now and I also listen to audio books.

Exercise your Mind -- Play Puzzles or Games

We seem to always hear about the fact that you should get in the habit of exercising our bodies but what about our minds? It has been proven that doing crosswords, sudoku and similar puzzles will in fact sharpen your mind and keep it young. There are so many great sites online to print puzzles out (my favorite is Conceptis Puzzles) and there are also systems like the Nintendo DS that offer games like Brain Age to train your brain in memory, logic and cognition. My other blog is on kid's computer game recommendations (you'll find some adult recommendations there as well) so games and puzzles are very close to my heart. I love the feeling after I finish a particularly hard Sudoku puzzle! It feels like my brain got a work out!

De-Clutter

Do you have a drawer that always seems to magically get full with miscellaneous stuff? Are your kid's toys taking over the house? Do you still have your favorite jeans from high school because you know you'll be that size again at SOME POINT? Cleansing and de-cluttering are VERY healing. Put on some music so you can sing along as you do it and watch the time fly. Throw out unneeded stuff and make piles to donate or put on ebay. You'll feel SO good when it is over and you look at the area you cleansed.

So I've mentioned a FEW things you can do to enjoy the time with yourself. Here's what NOT to do:

Don't watch/listen to the news
The news is 99.9% BAD NEWS. It's great to be knowledgeable with what is going on around you but to sit and watch and listen to for more than 5 minutes is ALWAYS depressing. Instead try making your influences positive. When I wrote about positive influences a friend from Zaadz left a comment telling me about a GREAT site to bookmark 'Happy News" which is just as it sounds.

Don't feel lonely
Feeling lonely can lead to you feeling depressed and your thoughts spiraling downward. If you REALLY want to be around people and don't want to be alone -- do it. Call an old friend. Visit a positive social networking site. If you are feeling you need human contact -- don't torture yourself -- there are tons of ways to reach out and there are times when we simply need and want human contact. Sometimes a 10 minute conversation with a good friend can totally change your mood and you'll feel more positive as you get off the phone and feel more willing to try something else.

I am empowered now BECAUSE I showed myself where my strengths and passions lie and am nurturing them. I have shown myself I am worthy of my own love and can do LOTS of things when I have time alone. I make sure to show gratitude no matter what my mood -- remember just being able to wake up and experience another day is a reason to be grateful! I not only enjoy time by myself now but always seem to be wanting more of it! When you are good company for yourself and gain self-love you are GREAT company for others as well.

You Have to Love Yourself in Order to Heal

Love myself? When I was trying to heal all my aches and pains of chronic illness this was mentioned in every book I read. Love myself, feel worthy, have self-confidence. This was a tough one because I thought of myself as an okay person -- I have 2 young children I love and take care of, a husband of ten years that I love deeply, friends that I am very open with-- but did I LOVE myself? I have always been hard on myself and a perfectionist so this was a difficult place for me to go.

I was ill, I had aches and pains and was not living up to what I wanted to be. I felt very sad about my health and all the extra work it was costing my husband, mom and children. I was very focused on what I was NOT instead of what I was. I started with listing things I was proud of myself for. I am a good listener, I love to write, I LOVE to dance, I help and reach out to my friends, my kids tell me what a good mom I am and shower me with hugs, I have a LOVING relationship with my husband that just grows stronger every year, I went to a prestigious high school and consider myself smart and love to read, I am good with the computer and games, I am a good cook... wow maybe I'm not so bad after all!

If you don't celebrate and appreciate the things you are good at you are telling your subconscious you are not worthy of healing or of love. By concentrating on the bad and what you don't have you are inviting it to get even worse. It is not easy to change negative thoughts over night but it is a lot easier than it would seem to be. Once you start concentrating on the good in you -- you will feel your self confidence rise. Once you feel your confidence rise you will feel like nothing can stand in your way.

Let go of the past. Forgive yourself for things that happened before. Haven't you spent enough time worrying and focusing on them? It's time to move forward and to appreciate who you are today and what you will make of yourself and your future.

Do more of what you are confident that you can do well. Do you make your friends laugh? Call one and make their day. Can you cook? Make a nice meal and savor it. Do you enjoy reading? Read an article or book on something you have always wanted to learn about. Can you dance or sing? Turn up the music loud and dance and/or sing! Do your kids love when you read to them? Take extra time reading the them and watch their smiles. Are you good at a certain game/crosswords/sudoku? Play it and celebrate that you do it so well. Nurture what you love about yourself. Take pride and joy in what you love about yourself. Your love and confidence will shine through and you will be attracting other people to love you as well.