Think Differently Challenge -- Ask for a Little Help

I've mentioned my "issue with being a perfectionist" and trying to let it go. Truly this is one of those BIG Goals I talked about in my previous post so I will be breaking it down into mini-goals. The first mini-goal is to ask for a little help.

I was tagged by Greg Butler of Holistic Personal Development to take part in this Think Differently Challenge. Peter of IwillChangeYourLife.com. started this challenge and I am using it to address my issue of not being able to ask for help. I am going to try my hardest to change this and I will give you an update somewhere down the line and let you know how it is going.

Even when ill and in pain it felt like such a struggle to ask for help. I was the helper, the do-er, the one who could take care of the kids, the house, my friend's that needed advice -- even if I was wincing in pain. I love to give to people and I am not so great at receiving. When my husband sees me obviously exhausted from a long day working, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house and running errands he comes home and asks what can he do to help. My response is usually "nothing -- I've got it". My mom does TONS for me and our family -- she knows me better than to ask -- she just DOES to avoid me saying "no". She still gets upset with me not asking for help. Just last night she said 'Why didn't you tell me you needed that -- I was at that store -- you KNOW I would have picked it up for you..." Most of my friends won't even ask what they can do for me because they have asked so many times and know what my answer will be....

Well get ready everyone I'm about to ask for some help! Yes, I would love more time for myself, with my husband or with my girlfriends. Get ready I'll be asking! Yes, I would love ideas to write about and for people to proof read some of my stuff. Yes, single play-dates for my kids so I can spend individual time with them -- how wonderful! Yes, we'd love to blow some stuff off and catch up with friends -- I'll be calling! Yes, I could use someone to talk to and I will reach out the next time I am down! I want people to vote for me in The Blog for a Year Competition and I will be asking! If I practice these enough they will in time become habit and it will be natural!

It's OK that I cannot do everything and be everything to everyone at all times. Everyone can benefit from help and receiving. I will ask and I know I will receive and BOY will I be grateful for it! I'm ready to give up some control and let go of the notion that everything has to be perfect. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and awareness to realize when you can use a hand and that people WANT to help you. I am thinking differently and will now start to act accordingly.

The most ironic thing about this is I feel like every day for several months I have been preaching the same thing to my 4 1/2 year old daughter Christina. She is very independent and would rather huff and puff and struggle trying to move a heavy object than to admit she needs a hand. Wonder where she got that bad habit from? : ) Luckily there was a song that came from one of her favorite cartoons on Nick Jr. "Wow Wow Wubbzy" that says it all "Ask for a Little Help". Below is the video -- the song is only the first minute and a half...


We'd sing and dance to it and I feel like it has sunk in for her. This week she stayed out of school with bronchitis. For the first time she came to me for help. Whether it was with her computer, opening something, putting something away or reaching for something, she's said "Mommy, I need some help". She's recovered and still continues to ask and I make sure I tell her "Yes, Christina -- mommy LOVES helping you -- thanks for asking". Now it's time for mommy to learn!

Thanks Greg for the tag. I needed this little wake up call! Here's the info on the Challenge:

The Think Different Challenge is all about finding something in your life you currently have negative thoughts or feelings towards (eg work or your mother-in-law), and deciding to look at it differently. It is about realizing that some things are just a part of life, so we may as well try to find the positives in them.

Who Can Participate?

This is an online writing project, so anyone who can publish text and active links on the internet can participate. Having your own website or blog is not a requirement, just write a post with links in your favorite social networking site.

The Rules

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want.
2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).
3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.
4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.
5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

I want to continue this challenge and I’ve decided to tag the following:

Adam Kayce at Monk at Work

Deb at Fibro-Free

Stacie at Everyday Reflections

Isabella Mori at Moritherapy

Don't be surprised if the next time we talk I ask you for help with something! ; ) Have fun with this one -- I did!

Mini-Goals to Heal Pain and Move Forward with Life

PHYSICAL
What are your physical goals? Do you want to lose weight, exercise more, eat less, get stronger, increase endurance, feel less pain? To lay them all out like that may seem like you are setting a goal -- but if you just leave it like that will you honestly get there just by wishing it so? The more you break it down the better chance you have of obtaining the goal.

I want to lose "that last 5 pounds" and feel more fit and strong. My mini steps are to

1. Walk a minimum of 45 minutes 3 times a week. (or cross country ski soon)
2. Do 1-2 Exercise on Demand Workouts a week
3. Drink water regularly -- at least 6-8 glasses a day
4. Become conscious on everything I eat and to eat slowly. Thanks Alex Shalman for the reminder in your article Three Little Things to Make Your Life Better Today! With 2 kids it's easy to inhale! : )

Suddenly my final goal seems more obtainable. If I concentrate on one of these at a time I can do it and it will not seem overwhelming. They will become habits as I change my behavior and I can move onto the next.... I have gotten the walking down and the water drinking now I have the other 2 to work on.... Soon my goal will be met and I experienced tons of joy and feelings of accomplishment as I crossed off the other 2.

I make sure I stop and feel grateful for every mini goal met. When a big goal is met I am overjoyed, take the time to be grateful and appreciate and then after a while set up a new major goal in that area. Just as healing was my first physical goal and I just outlined the one I'm currently working on.

EMOTIONAL
Relational
Emotional encompasses your own emotions as well as the emotions you experience in relationships. How do you want your relationships to be with your spouse, kids, parents, friends? What mini-steps could you use to get there? Do you need more time with them? Better communication? More time doing a different activities?

• My husband and I use 2 steps that I think are wonderful and have helped to keep us so close. We have "date night"whenever we can. Whether it be a long walk or a night out on the town the time away from the house, kids and the "to-dos" do wonders and help us to reconnect.

• The other is on the 26th (our anniversary is July 26) of every month we look into each other's eyes, assess the last month, talk and say 'I love you". It might not have been the easiest month or it may have been a wonderful month. But to know that on the 26th we give gratitude to our love and relationship can heal whatever we have been through and helps us to know we always have each other.

• If I am feeling upset it helps to make a list of all the wonderful traits of the person I am upset with.

• I set mini goals in these areas consistently and they seem to change with whatever relationships I feel "need work" and extra attention at that time.

Your emotions
How do you want to feel? We know with the Law of Attraction in order to receive more good you need to feel good! I am not saying to walk in a happy fog and not notice when things aren't going your way... But better not to dwell in the negatives and to use them to contrast what you do want.

• A gratitude list is a great way to feel good. Going through in your mind who and what you are grateful for upon waking and before bed are excellent ways to do this.

• I have been known to use the rubber band and snap myself out of those lingering negative thoughts.

• What makes you feel good? Do more of it.

• Who makes you feel good? See more of them! Set mini goals to ensure you do so.

MENTAL
I feel I have to constantly educate myself or I become very bored and disconnected. Do you have a passion? Set some goals to learn more about it. There are so many free resources on the internet and at the library. I receive so many newsletters and e-books on the law of attraction, personal development, health, internet and computer games and I LOVE learning and becoming more knowledgeable.

• Crosswords, Sudoku, Chess all have been proven to sharpen your mental abilities. If you exercise your brain consistently just like you would your body you will find you take in information and process it easier than before.

• Learn more about something you love or something you have been curious about for a while. Setting goals for educating yourself and expanding your mind will leave you open for inspiration and increase your self confidence.

FINANCIAL
Ok -- so I want to be "financially free" -- but WHAT does that mean for me and HOW in the world do I get there? The best way to approach this is to look at your strengths, set some goals and break them down as far as you can.

I believe in the multiple streams of income approach so that if one thing doesn't work out you have some other kind of support system in place. I have a few passions and have combined them into my goals. A successful blog, successful internet ventures and getting my invention manufactured. All of these needed mini goals for me to take any steps.

• What are your strengths? What do you want to do? Maybe you need to take Steve Pavlina's How to Discover Your Life's Purpose in 20 Minutes Exercise to move onto the next step.... The important thing is a break down of how much you need to live, how much you can realistically expect to make at each of the ventures, education in the areas you want to excel in and mini goals to make it all take shape.

• Everyone who has excelled has taken several steps to get there and had the determination to do so.... you can do it... you need to Ask Believe Receive as the Law of Attraction and 'The Secret" say or you can use the other approach. I just read a post on Raymond's Attracting Your Goals blog that puts it in a different way. What BDH has to do with the Law of Attraction. It's a great post and I was happy to find it because it gives another way of looking at things. BDH stands for Be Do Have and I believe that in order for you to succeed ACTION is key. You have to Be the person you want to be and Do the actions necessary to Have what you desire. Thanks for the insight Raymond!

SPIRITUALITY
I used to think Spirituality was JUST about religion but now I know differently. My beliefs don't fit into any one category "Catholicism, Buddhism, Judaism". I believe religion/spirituality is a personal choice that has to resonate within you. If you can find that within one religion that is wonderful for you and churches and religious communities certainly have a lot to offer. I was fortunate enough to be exposed to many religions and through yoga, meditation and reading discovered spirituality. I think it is very important to feel spiritually connected and I have gained a lot in my last years' exploration. I have become more aware, I have become even more interested in pursuing religious and philosophical readings and I know how important it is to feel like you are connected and not alone. My goals keep changing in this area and I adjust my mini-goals accordingly.

• Readings, meditations, gratitude -- taking time for each are all part of my mini-goals to achieving the state of spirituality that I want to be in.

I didn't set goals in all these areas at once nor do I expect myself to excel in all of them at the same time. My health was the most important when I was ill and I focused on that and spirituality to help me heal. Now my focus has changed to financial and continued health as I progress in my other areas. These goals will change a bit as life takes me in unexpected directions as life seems to do. It's OK -- I will adjust my mini-goals accordingly and know my road has changed for a reason.

If you don't have goals -- how will you know if you've gotten to where you want to be? Use goal setting to help heal whatever physical and emotional hurdles you want to tackle. If you get exhausted just thinking about your goals -- mini goals may be just the baby steps you need to help you reach your maximum potential in ALL areas of your life.

Can you Heal from ADD Without Prescription meds?

I have a met a great fellow blogger; Greg Butler, who has also gone the natural healing route. He has used it to heal himself of the pains associated with ADD. Greg maintains a blog on Holistic Personal Development. Meeting Greg has been wonderful since we agree on a lot about traditional medicine, its limitations and a more integrative approach to medical practices. Meeting him also has me thinking about ADD and ADHD again which I used to give quite a lot of thought to.

After I stopped graduate school in NYC I had many jobs. It took 2 years of lots of part time jobs before I started my own desktop publishing business. MOST of the part time jobs involved working with children. I taught computers to children at 2 very different computer learning centers, tutored children privately in computers and also was an assistant art teacher for an elementary school after-school program. The exposure to kids made me very aware of the different learning styles of children and I always tried to cater my teaching towards the individual child. I was told of the kids who had ADD and ADHD and whether or not they were on medications which made me aware of how widely it was being treated. It also made me aware of some children that were on the medications seeming "distant" or "not there" with me as they went through the motions of whatever I was teaching.

I remember being concerned because SO MANY children were being medicated and that was 15 years ago. Now the US and Canada medicate kids for ADD at RECORD highs. I understand that schools are over-crowded and that teachers have their hands full. I also understand that parents are working harder than ever and have less time for their kids. But I also am aware that these drugs were not available years ago and somehow everyone got by OK. I am hoping these drugs are not being made available for the greatest purpose being controlling behavior that is challenging for parents and teachers to deal with.

I subscribe to a bunch of parenting magazines and blogs online to keep up on things involving my own 2 children. It was very interesting to me when I received one last week on how to tell if your child is "gifted". With gifted meaning ahead in one or more areas of other children their age. The tell tale signs included:

• Is relentlessly curious and never seems to stop asking questions , is unusually active, has a vivid imagination. Gifted children often create a vast and intricate network of imaginary friends with whom they become very involved.

• Is able to memorize facts easily and can recall arcane information that he learns from television shows, movies, or books.

Other signs of giftedness may be a little harder to discern. By age 3 or 4, for example, some gifted children begin to realize that they are "different" from their peers. This can make them feel isolated and withdrawn; it may also make them likely targets for bullying.

They may begin to experience intense frustration because they can think more rapidly than they can express themselves, verbally or physically. If your child appears unusually angry or frustrated, you may want to consult a mental health professional.

I immediately noticed the similarities between signs of giftedness and signs of ADD. A help guide online for kids lists the positive symptoms of having ADD and it seemed VERY similar as the "being gifted signs". The next day I read Greg's article on ADD and it seemed even more shocking to me. A lot of the GREATS in our history might have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. If they were on these medications so they "controlled some of these behaviors that weren't the norm" would that have hindered their imaginative and creative sides?

There are natural ways to control MANY diseases and there are many doctors who immediately jump to prescribed medications as the only means.... I think it's important kids and adults are going to doctors that look at the whole picture and the whole person and aren't whipping out the prescription notepad before other options are explored.

Please check out Greg's article on ADD. It is inspirational and eye-opening. Yes, there are many people who benefit from modern medicines but don't you want to make sure you or your child ABSOLUTELY needs it and can't be helped it some other way before starting one? Many medications taken long term have serious side effects and can be more harmful than the original diagnoses itself. Even if you decide to medicate wouldn't it be good to also know what would naturally help the diagnosis as well?

I think it's time for our schools and our doctors to take another look at ADD and offer some concrete ways that don't involve medications to deal with this illness. There are a lot of positive qualities that could be nurtured and celebrated in these children who see life a bit differently. This site offers lots of good information and treating the child with ADD and tells about some of side effects of the medications typically prescribed for it.

Thanks Greg for your story, your friendship and for reawakening my interest in the diagnosis and treatment of ADD.